I Promise
by ladierock
Summary: AH. Rose was just trying to help but it seems like she only made things worse for herself and before she knows it she's taking a defense class where she's learning to stand up for herself, to be strong again, fight, and that it's okay to trust people. She's dealing with recent traumatic events in her life but she might find love along the way. Read and Review please.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry, I'm having a little trouble rewriting/finishing my other stories but until then, while I'm working on those. I thought I'd post a story I wrote a while ago but for some reason never posted. (I honestly don't know why). Hope you guys like!**_

_**This story was a little darker than I realized but I posted it under 'T'.**_

_**Disclaimer: Richelle Mead owns everything (except one character). I own nothing (except one character).**_

* * *

I let out a scream, muffled by the hand that clamped over my mouth.

That rough, calloused hand that I use to reach for in the hallway, that use to rest on the small of my back at dances or parties. His other hand was gradually making it's way up my leg, pushing my skirt along with it.

I felt like there were hands all over me and then I realized, after hearing two other deep voiced laughs other than the one on top of me, that was because there were. Their laughs sounded louder than they probably were or maybe it was just the echo of the empty house. I wanted to cover my ears, close my eyes, and hope it'd all be over soon, that I was someplace far away from here.

I couldn't close my eyes thought.

I kept looking at them through my blurry tears. Their eyes, green, blue, and brown, glistened above me, dancing with laughter and amusement. The only light in the room came from the moon outside the window but it was enough to see them by.

I just wanted it to be over.

I wanted to go home.

I stopped trying to yell, bite, or even move. My efforts were futile. They were too strong, the hands clamped over both of my wrists, one of them on top of me sitting at my waist so I couldn't kick. I was too small and too week, and suddenly very tired and cold.

_It'll be over soon, _I told myself. _I just have to think about something else. It'll be over soon._

I was crying softly now, quietly, and before I knew it, I didn't feel the weight of them on top of me any more. I could still smell the stale beer rolling off of them though so I knew they were still to close to me. I didn't dare move.

"What do we do with her now?" One of them asked.

"Yeah, we've had our fun," the other chuckled.

The one closest to me, that had been on top of me, let out a long sigh as if it was too much for him to even be bothered with me anymore. I saw the reflection of a flask being tipped back as he drank. Like his friends, I was waiting for his response, stiff as ever.

"Did you get the pictures?" he sighed, impatiently.

"Yup," one of them answered snapping another photo.

"Good. Leave her. We've made our point. Let's go," he instructed.

I heard his footsteps retreating as he made his way out of the room we were in and could see the light spilling in from the hallway. His friends took another long swig of their beer before dropping their bottles on the floor before coming to kneel beside me.

"Hopefully," one of them began, jerking my chin so that I was facing his direction. "You've learned your lesson about being snitch. This is your fault."

The other man forced my gaze to his on the other side of me. "I wouldn't tell anyone about this if I were you." I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Or next time we won't be courteous enough to leave you alive. Understand?"

After a moment, I gave the slightest nod and he said, "good."

"Really should've listened the first time. We tried to warn you," he said in a singsong voice, as he stood.

A small amount of relief started to roll through me as I started to hope they were leaving and it'd all be over. All of that hope and relief disappeared as the one that first held my face said, "Just to make sure the message got through though, here's a parting gift."

I could feel my phase contort with fear and confusion right before I felt the hardness of a fist against my face and I blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2

"Rose, is that you?" my mother called from the kitchen.

I shut the door silently behind me.

"Yeah," I responded in as strong a voice as I could manage, hoping she wouldn't come to meet me at the door. I stepped slowly, trying to prevent as much pain in my body as possible, as I tried to make my way toward my room.

Our one story house was pretty small but my room suddenly seemed so far away.

I hoped to get by the kitchen without my mother seeing me but the second I stepped on a squeaky floor board passing the kitchen, I cringed, and turned around to find my mother watching me from where she stood near the sink, a beer poised in midair as if she was about to take a drink.

Beer.

I'd seen enough beer for the rest of my life.

My mother drank all my life and I was use to it but suddenly the drink and the sight of it in her hand disgusted me.

I watched as she slowly lowered the beer, setting it on the counter as she made her way near me, her eyes taking in my appearance. I could only imagined what I looked like.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, what the hell happened to you?"

I had answer but I couldn't say it aloud. My throat closed with dryness and my mouth clamped shut. I couldn't even meet my mother's familiar hazel eyes. She was right in front of me now, and I flinched as she reached for my hair. She noticed my flinch but kept reaching, running her hands through my hair, worry clear in her eyes.

"Where have you been? What happened to you?" She asked again. She tilted my chin up a bit and I flinched again. It hurt. Everything hurt.

I had an answer for both of her questions but I couldn't say it.

All I wanted to do was cry. Fall into a deep, dark hole, and cry until I stopped breathing.

"Rosemarie, please, answer me," she whispered holding me at arms length to look me over. Her voice was cracking now as it dawned on her all the possibilities of what might've happened to me tonight. I could see her hazel eyes filling with tears, mirroring my own. "Rosemarie, please, tell me...did Adrian have something to do with this?"

Silent tears fell from my eyes as I flinched at the mention of his name. Her eyes widened and she lifted her hand to her lips. "A-Adrian..."

I imagined myself shaking, nodding, and sobbing all at once as I fell into her arms as she held me and told me everything would be okay, watching her fall apart at the realization of what happened to her daughter. I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't tell her. She'd been through enough already.

Abandoned by her husband after having me, losing her mom last year, losing her job and having to work on and off in weird bars or waitressing or cleaning. Her last bit of hope was having a daughter who seemed happy, seemed like she was going to make it was all she had left and I couldn't take that away from her.

Her plate was already full. I didn't need to add to it.

If I told her about what happened tonight, she'd blame herself, she'd go after them even knowing how powerful they were in this small town she'd try to have them punished and she'd lose and our lives would only get worse.

So I lied.

I took a deep breath, cleared my throat, and lied.

"I just...didn't really feel like partying anymore s-so I left and walked home. I took th-that short cut you tell me not to take and some guy mugged me."

She held her hand to her heart as some of the worry disappeared. Being mugged was bad but not as bad as some of things she was thinking happened, not as bad as what really happened.

"Are you okay? Did he-"

"No," I said firmly. "He j-just took my bag."

I realized just then that this lie could work because I actually didn't have my bag. It was still there. Still at that house.

She let out a deep sigh of relief, holding me to her. "Honey, I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad you're okay. Did he hurt you? Hit you?" She asked.

"H-he hit me only when he heard a car coming and I stumbled and...rolled down the side of that hill," I continued to lie, hoping she'd mistake my stuttering and hesitation for shock. "I...I'm fine."

And I wanted to be. I had to be fine.

I decided right then that I was going to be fine whether it was true or not, figuring I'd get better eventually and really start believing it.

"Oh, sweetheart," she breathed hugging me tighter and I flinched at the pain flowing through my body but she didn't notice. "I wish I had enough money to buy you that cellphone so I could've come to pick you up. I wish you hadn't walked home but I guess things could've been worse. I'm so happy you're okay."

We pulled back far enough for her to smile down at me, touching my face along where I could feel the bruise on my cheek. "This looks pretty bad. Come on, let's go," she said reaching for her keys and her jacket behind me.

"G-go where?"

"The hospital first and then to the police."

I was already shaking my head even as she made her way to the door, ushering me in front of her. "N-no I'm fine. Really mom. I just want to go lie down. H-he didn't get much. All I had was lip gloss and a few bucks in my purse."

"Rosemarie, this guy could be dangerous. He could hurt someone else and you need to be looked at by a doctor so let's go."

I skidded my feet to halt.

I couldn't go to a doctor. They'd know. They'd know what happened and I didn't want anyone to know. No one could know. I was fine. I'm fine.

"N-no please, I just want to forget about it. I just want to go lie down and sleep," I said honestly.

My mother looked torn between letting her daughter rest and forcing me to go to the police and hospital.

"You'd be doing a good thing by reporting this and you'd feel better. I'd feel better knowing one less creep is off the streets."

This wasn't an argument I was going to win. If I went now and got it over with, I could be home and asleep sooner. Home, shower, sleep. I let her lead me to the car and faster than I could come up with what to say to the police and doctors, if I could remember the lies I told my mother, we were at the hospital.

My mother went to the front desk to talk to someone while I stood a little ways back, looking at some of the other people in the waiting room. It was almost completely empty except one woman who looked bruised, battered, and broken sitting alone in the corner.

Just like me.

I looked away from her before I started to cry.

My mother returned a second later with a doctor in green scrubs, a nurse, and a cop right behind her.

"We got lucky," my mother told me as she let the hospital staff and the cop lead us to one of the curtained off rooms. "There was a cop already here. Apparently it's been a pretty busy bad night in out little town."

She had no idea.

I sat on the cot as stiff as a board as the doctor looked me over, giving me a check up, and the nurse cleaned my wounds.

"I'm officer Alto. Do you remember me?" he asked.

I took another good look at him and hit me. He was the cop from two weeks ago, who I went to talk to and make the report about. I nodded barely. He watched me for a second longer.

"You're mother said you were mugged earlier this evening."

I managed to nod again at the tall lanky cop.

"Can you describe what happened?"

I looked at my mother who stood against the wall smiling softly at me, encouragingly. I just had to tell the lie one more time and it'd be over. I'd be fine, I could go home, shower, sleep.

I started with the same short story I recapped for my mom adding that I didn't really get a good look at the guy. The cop, Officer Alto, pushed me to remember anything and I did, I remembered everything.

The smell of beer, the bright moonlight through the window, the heavy weight of them holding me down, the sound of their laughter and my heavy heard beat and cries, the taste of my own blood where I bit my tongue.

I remembered it all. That wasn't the story I told them though.

I gave them the fake story, the story that I wanted to be real, where I was a little hurt but I was okay. I'm fine. And they believed me. They mistook my stuttering and trembling as being shaken up but they thought I was okay, a little frightened still, but okay. Maybe I could pretend better than I thought. If I could lie to them about what happened, I could lie to myself.

I'm fine.

The worst question was when they asked if he in anyway forced himself on me, hurt me in anyway beside hitting me hard enough to knock me down the hillside.

It took me longer to answer than it had the other questions but I got through it. The doctors bought it, the cop bought it. I didn't think they would've believed me if it wasn't so late and they didn't look so tired as I did.

When I looked at my mom though, she was staring at me, squinting, like she knew something was off about everything I was saying but she didn't call me out on it. She just stared at me questioningly.

Finally the officer finished. "Well, We'll keep a look out for the guy but I'll be honest with you, it's not much to go on."

I wasn't worried.

"You don't think this has something to do with Rose's report from two weeks ago, do you?" My mother asked worriedly.

I had the answer to that: yes.

"You're daughter doesn't seem to think so and unless there's evidence to prove it, I'd like to think it's unrelated," he answered, although he didn't seem so certain. "I do recommend not walking home so late by yourself anymore. It's dangerous and you could be seriously hurt. Make sure someone drives you home or at least take public transportation where there're others around."

I shuttered at the word 'hurt'. None of them noticed. My might've but I resisted the urge to look at her again to see. The officer stepped closer and lowered his head.

"I know it's been a little hard for you since...well, you know."

I knew. I was just trying to forget. I was trying to forget what I did two weeks ago and I was trying to forget what happened tonight.

"I recommend you take a self defense class. It helps and it might ease some of your mother's fears when you're out alone," he said, writing in his notepad.

"That's a good idea," my mother put in, wrapping her arms around me. "You should take a self defense class."

The cop gave her an address of one of the only self defense classes in town. "The teacher use to be a former cop but he was hurt on the job and now he teaches self defense. His mother can vouch for him," Officer Alto said gesturing to the doctor who was writing on her own charts.

The woman looked up. She looked like one of those motherly women that baked cookies and smother her children to death. She was nothing like I expected to see in a doctor. Her nametag read 'Belikov'. Her eyes were warm and her hair had a few streaks of gray. When she spoke, her accent came out as what sounded like Russian.

"My son's a good teacher," she said, pride filling her face.

I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I really didn't care how amazing this self defense teacher was. I just wanted to go home, shower, sleep. I'm fine. It'd be harder to forget if I went to a class that was going to constantly remind me why I was there.

Her pride change to sympathy as she looked me in the eyes, her brown ones staring directly into mine. "I heard about what you did two weeks ago and I know it's been hard but you'll get though it. Thing's I'll get better."

Her words should've been comforting to me but it's what a lot of people were telling me lately and things definitely weren't better. Especially not after tonight. I could name a lot more people who would disagree with her but I took the sentiment and nodded slightly.

"Just go see my son. He'll teach you to defend yourself well. He'll have you kicking butt, a really fighting machine, in no time," she smiled reassuringly at me and then at my mother.

"That sounds good to me. "

"Yes, you should really take the class and it won't cost you a cent. He believes that self defense is something everyone should know and shouldn't cost a thing. Go to the class," she said again.

I was ready to say 'no', to come up with a reason but mother was looking at me in such a way that said all her worries would disappear if I said 'yes'. I could get away with this, with this lie. I'd be fine. I am fine.

Everyone was waiting for me to respond.

"Okay, I'll go."


	3. Chapter 3

Home, shower, sleep.

This is my mantra for the week so far.

I said it when I went to school, kept my eyes downcast, and didn't talk to anyone.

That was easy since no one tried talking to me either. I guessed Adrian and his friends had something to do with that. Even the teachers seemed to ignore me more than usual.

It was like everyone knew what happened but they were taking Adrian's side.

It wasn't until fifth period when I realized no one was talking to me because of what I did. Everyone was still mad at me for what I did two weeks before. Even when I caught Lissa's eye in the hall, she stared at me kind of apologetically before turning back to her locker and then walking away.

I was more alone than ever.

I didn't have many friends to start with but I had some, people would say hi. I knew that most people were only friendly to me because of Adrian but I didn't care. It was nice being noticed. Now I had no one.

I sat through nutrition and lunch alone chanting my mantra to myself: home, shower, sleep.

It was all I really felt like doing.

It was becoming my pattern.

My mom gave me enough money to take the bus instead of walking. She thought that Adrian and I were in a fight but she didn't push me on it. I didn't talk much when she did. She made me promise to take the bus to the self defense class and then straight home before it got too dark.

I thought about not going and lying to her.

I lied easily before. Another lie wouldn't hurt.

I went home, showered, but couldn't sleep, knowing I'd have to lie later. I shut my eyes, trying to block everything out but whenever I was alone for too long which was always lately, I couldn't stop thinking about that night, every detail.

So I ended up going to the class.

I figured I'd slip into the class and just watch from the sidelines but the second I walked in, the instructor, an extremely tall man dressed in sweatpants, a black t-shirt, sneakers, and his long hair pulled back, noticed me and gestured for me to sit with the small group of people he was already speaking to in the middle of the room.

Most were women, middle aged, but there were a few kids. Apparently this was also a karate class for youngsters. There was even a kid from my English class here. He smiled and winked at me. He was one of Adrian's friends, Charlie.

I thought about fleeing. Turning around and running home. Home, shower, sleep. I couldn't seem to make my feet move though. The instructor would flick his gaze to mine every few seconds.

I kept my eyes down until he was finished talking, called his assistant Christian to separate groups and start the class, before he walked over to me.

This man was even taller up close.

He gave a gentle smile and held a hand out. "I'm Dimitri Belikov."

I didn't take his hand. Any physical contact made me flinch. I flinched. He noticed and dropped his hand.

"You must be, Rose. My mother told me you might be coming in."

His accent was as thick as his mothers and I could see the resemblance. He had the same deep brown eyes as her and slightly curly dark hair without the gray streaks. He looked pretty young.

He waited for me to respond.

I finally swallowed past my dryness, having not spoken the entire day except to my mom on the phone to tell her I'd be coming to the class. "Yeah, I'm Rose."

I spoke low, even to my own ears but he heard me.

"Well, It's nice to have you here Rose and I'm hoping the class will have enough of an effect on you today to ensure you come back again. Let's get you registered."

He started walking toward an office area and it took a moment for me to follow. I caught up to his long strides by having to practically jog which only made my constantly aching legs and limbs hurt even more.

"So, why do you want to take self defense?" he asked as we made our way tot he office area.

I felt uneasy, being secluded with some random huge guy. I looked behind me to make sure the rest of the class was in plain view.

"I-I don't," I answered simply.

He raised one eyebrow.

"My m-mother's making me take this class. She and the cop thought it'd be better if I did."

It was the longest sentence I'd spoken since the hospital. He nodded seeming to accept my reason.

"It is good to take self defense. Is there a specific event that's brought you here?"

"You're mother didn't tell you?" I hadn't meant for the words to sound harsh but the smile from before faded as he puled out registration forms for me to fill out. I was still standing as he sat behind his desk. I kept looking behind me to make sure we weren't completely alone. He seemed to notice. "You're safe here. I can leave and have one of my female staff members stay with you."

That seemed like a lot of trouble just because I was paranoid and I wanted to just get this over with. Instead, I just sat down in the chair across from him, taking the pen he offered and starting the paper work.

"My mother told me why you were here but I wanted to hear it from you," he said once I started writing. "It's good for the victim to acknowledge-"

I stiffened.

"I'm not a victim," I interrupted, looking up.

He looked me over, reading my face it seemed, before nodding. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that it's best if you acknowledge why you're here yourself."

I was still stiffened by the word 'victim' but I looked down and kept writing. I was deciding I didn't like this instructor as much as everyone told me I would. I thought I could get away with just finishing the paperwork without responding, but when he didn't say anything more and I glance up to see him watching me, I realized he was waiting for me to respond, no matter how long it took.

"I was mugged."

The lie was so easy now I almost believed it myself if the memories of what really happened weren't so vivid in my mind.

When he still didn't say anything, I glanced up again and saw him still watching me, waiting patiently.

I wasn't sure what he wanted to hear. When he read the confusion on my face he said, "You're the Rose Hathaway that everyone's talking about...about what happened two weeks ago."

He said it as a statement but he was looking at me as if he expected an answer. I nodded, wanting to forget that event as much as this one.

"You did the right thing, deciding to come here," he finally said.

"I told you, I didn't want to come here."

"True, but no one can force you to do anything. " I begged to differ. "You came here all on your own and that's good, it's a start."

I finished the paperwork and slid it toward him. "A start for what?"

"A start to getting better," he said with a smile just gentle enough to make me feel a little bit of hope.


	4. Chapter 4

I saw Adrian, Ralph, and Jesse at lunch.

I manage to avoid everyone yesterday by hiding in the library but the library was closed on Tuesdays and I ended up eating on the bleachers. I forgot that that's where they hung out sometimes in the middle of the field with the rest of their friends.

They didn't notice me at first until the second I noticed Adrian and stared at him for too long, he turned, and caught my eye, smiling.

I froze, unblinkingly.

I kept looking from his green eyes to his hands. And then Jesse and Ralph turned to see where Adrian was looking and they smirked too. Ralph even waved. A chill ran through me.

I had to leave, go home, shower, sleep.

I bolted.

I waited until the practicing marching band went by, blocking our views, and I bolted.

I'm sure they saw me when I made my behind the bleachers because I could hear their laughter. I ran faster until I ran head first into someone. Unlike last night, no one caught me. I fell flat on my butt, my backpack skidding across the ground and my books and notebooks skidding in every which way.

"So, sorry," Camille said in a sarcastic voice.

I looked up at her and wished I was home right now.

Camille Ivashkov. Adrian's sister.

Her friends Meredith and Avery flanked at her sides and a little way behind her, Lissa who looked like she'd rather be anywhere but here. They looked down at me sprawled on the floor. She looked so much like her brother when she smiled it was unnerving.

"Where you off too, Rose?" she asked stepping forward.

"I bet she'd off to the police station again to report your brother for looking at her," Meredith said.

"Like Adrian would waste any more of his time on this piece of trash," Avery scoffed.

Camille laughed as her friends comments as she stepped closer, kneeling to my level.

"Is that what you're doing? Trying to cause more trouble for my brother? Are you stupid? Have you forgotten who we are? We can destroy you, Rose. You and your big mouth need to learn to keep quiet, mind your business, and stay out of our way." She grabbed a hold of my face, the same way Ralph did that night. "Believe me, hon, you don't want to mess with us anymore."

"I think we should make sure she understands," Meredith added.

"And I think Lissa should do it. After all, it was Liss who told us Rose was the on to report my brother. She should have the honor," Avery said slapping five with Meredith.

"I like that idea," Camille said. She gestured Lissa forward. Liss hesitated, looking like a dear caught in the headlights. Avery had to pull her forward to make her take a step. Even I could see she was shaking even from where I was still sprawled on the ground.

She wouldn't do this.

But I wouldn't blame her if she did.

"Need us to hold her up for you?" Camille offered in a sweet voice.

Lissa didn't say anything. She wouldn't look at any of us. Only the ground.

"I guess that's a yes," she muttered, turning to me.

The three of them were taller than I was and managed to stand me up. "Do I have to hit her for you too?" Camille asked. Lissa still didn't move. "I guess so," she grinned turning back to face me. I remember she smiled widely, Avery and Meredith laughed just like Ralph and Jesse did that night, and then I blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

"I didn't think I'd be seeing you again," Dimitri greeted the next day as he started setting up for the next class.

I came straight from school. I thought about going home, showering, and sleeping until I had to go to school the next day. I thought about not even going to school anymore and realizing my mother would never know, I decided not to go anymore. I knew I'd change my mind by tomorrow morning.

School was the only way I'd ever get out of this town.

I could feel the side of my face throbbing. It was still bruised from Ralphs hit and Camille hadn't made it any better. I wanted to cry, when I came to, the final bell stirring me awake. I didn't. I didn't cry until I went to the bathroom and saw just how bad my face looked.

I'd been avoiding mirrors.

I finally looked at myself and nearly recoiled. My hair was in the same messy ponytail as yesterday, my face was pale, bruised, my body hurt, the words 'liar', 'bitch', and 'skank' were written on my arms and hands in ink and, I ached in ways I didn't think possible, and I looked like plain death.

I felt the same way.

I cried silently.

Hearing the voices of girls coming toward the bathroom I bolted.

I was going to go home but when the bus neared my street, I didn't get off. I kept going until I ended here, at the self defense class. The thought of being home alone wasn't appealing. I wanted to be doing something, I just didn't know what. Catching my reflection in the mirror behind Dimitri I realized I wanted to fight.

I just didn't really think I could.

Dimitri was looking me over, his eyes landing on the new bruise on my cheek but he didn't say anything.

I didn't know what to say either. I wasn't even completely sure why I was here or if I really wanted to be here. It suddenly occurred to me that Charlie might've been here but thankfully he wasn't. No one was. It was too early.

"I-I won't be coming to your class anymore," I said, wishing my words sounded as strong as I meant for them to be.

He didn't seemed surprised.

He leaned against one of the mirrored walls and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Any particular reason why?" he asked looking at my bruise again.

I hadn't thought of an answer to that. Panic filled me as I wondered if I could just leave and never come back.

I definitely couldn't do this.

He could see right through me. Unnerved, I shuddered. He was waiting for me to give him a complete answer. I could've just left but my feet wouldn't budge. I felt like I had to say something.

"I-I don't think...I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Learn to...defend myself," I said low, remembering today and two nights ago.

I'd lived most of my life thinking I was tough, strong enough to defend myself but that was completely changed now. I didn't feel safe, confident, or capable of anything anymore.

He leaned off the wall and walked toward me. I automatically flinched and he slowed, stopping a few feet away, hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

"Do you want to fight?"

It was simple question, one I use to be able to answer right away.

Fighting had gotten me trouble a lot lately though.

"I-I don't know."

"Do you want to defend yourself and fight?" He asked, amending his question.

I was about to give the same answer but decided that for the first time in the last two days, I was going to tell the truth.

"Yes."

"Then you'll learn. To be able to do something, you have to want to do it. Follow me."

He turned quickly on his heel and started walking, not checking to see if I was going to follow. I hurried again to catch up with him after a moments hesitation. I was still a little uneasy about being alone with a grown man in an empty exercise room but something about his inspirational zen words made me think I'd be okay for now.

He led me outside where the building was surrounded by tall Montana trees and endless grass. There was a small running path that started from the opposite end of the building through the trees.

"Do you run?"

"Only in P.E. when I had it."

"How'd you feel when you were running?" he asked turned to one of the shelves at the back of the building. He pulled out a water bottle that he set on the ground and a pair of practically new running shoes.

I thought about his question.

"Pretty good...I guess."

Truth was, running was tiring, gave me cramps, and I always felt like puking afterward. Maybe that's why I was such a coward now about running.

He handed me the shoes and gestured for me to sit and put them on.

I hesitated before realizing he was serious. I sat on the ground and replaced my shoes with the running shoes.

"My sister use to come here and run but she doesn't really do it anymore," he said, his voice sounding suddenly sad. I looked up at him to see him staring off into space. He shook himself and cleared his throat before speaking again. "Running is always a good place to start. It gives you time to think, to learn the limits your body can take, and it builds muscle."

I stood up, finding the shoes fit me perfectly. I looked at the path and watched where it went. "Y-you want to run in there?"

He smiled to himself. "You can run on the outside of the path if you feel safer but I've found that it's better to run through the trees, nicer view. I'll be here. You won't be alone."

Those words 'you won't be alone' made me freeze.

I was always alone, all the time. I hadn't even really seen my mom since she brought me home from the hospital because she was working. It was nice to hear. I wouldn't be alone. It felt weird, since a few minutes before I'd been uneasy about being alone with him but now I felt...safe. It was hard to explain.

I turned to face him and saw him watching expectantly, waiting to see what I'd do.

I held on to that feeling and for the first time in the last few days forgot about home, shower, and sleep and that I'm fine. I just ran.


	6. Chapter 6

Dimitri was right.

Running did give me time to think.

I though about how nauseous I felt running, dizzy, and the knots in my stomach. I thought about how much I hate running. This was how I felt my entire first week at the defense class.

I just ran.

I came early right after school.

Dimitri was always there.

He'd loan my the running shoes until I'd be able to get my own and then I'd run and he was always there when I came back, holding a water bottle out to me that I drank gratefully.

Running actually started to feel good despite the protest of my body and all the thoughts flying in my head.

I thought about everything.

I thought about school, how I silently went through all of my classes mostly unnoticed, intentionally avoiding certain people and succeeding for the most part.

I thought about my mom, how easily I lied to her and how she probably wouldn't say a word about it despite knowing I was lying. I thought about how hard she worked to make sure I had a future, no matter how small, to look forward to.

I thought about how much I was looking forward to my future and forgetting the past.

I wanted to forget.

I had to.

I had to be fine.

I'm fine.

My thoughts went like this everyday I ran and they wouldn't stop. More would come until I felt like I was going to explode and yet I was okay with it. I felt okay thinking about everything because I felt in control when I was running.

"We're open on the weekend you know," Dimitri said to me when I finished running on Friday.

I was sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall and drinking my water while he pulled a chair out from inside the building and sat beside me, resting his arms on his knees.

I looked over at him. "So I can...I can run here on the weekends?"

He nodded. "I'd love to have the company. Not very many people come here on weekends."

It sounded good to me. I thought about my first weekend home after the attack and I imagined being home, laying bed, thinking about nothing but that fact that it's been a week since what happened.

Being home didn't sound as good as it did a few days ago.

"I'll be here."

He gave me a gentle smile as he stood. "I look forward to it. Then we can really get you fighting."


	7. Chapter 7

"How are you feeling, honey?"

My mom's voice jarred me from my thoughts and my early morning haze.

I looked up from the spot on the table I was boring my eyes into and met my mother's eyes. She looked as tired as I felt and then I remembered she always looked that way. She was still in the uniform she wears when she cleans motel rooms.

"I'm fine."

My response was automatic, the words I'd been saying to myself a lot in the past week.

She gave me that look again, that she didn't believe me but she didn't say anything at first. She sipped her coffee and then looked me over again in that motherly way where she's searching for something physically wrong. She noticed the new bruise on my face but said nothing.

After the silence became to loud, she commented, "You're up early."

I nodded. I'd been waking up early because I hardly slept but there was no need to tell her it was because of nightmares. "Couldn't sleep. It was too cold in my room."

"Yeah, I haven't had the chance to call a repair man out here to fix the heating."

"It's fine," I lied, tugging my sweater closer around me subtly.

She spoke again and I realized this was going to be one of those rare mornings where she wanted us to talk and have conversation no matter how meaningless it was. "It's going to be winter soon which means it's going to be pretty hard to fight the cold without a heater."

"We'll figure something out," I said simply, using one of her common answers.

"Speaking of fighting," she started, a small smile spreading on her face, "I've been meaning to ask you, how're the self defense classes?"

I felt my dreary, tired, spirits fade and brighten a little at the mention of the self defense classes. "They're good. I feel...better when I'm there," I said giving her the most honest answer I have in days.

She looked relieved. "That's good. I knew it'd be good for you."

"I-I need running shoes though," I reluctantly told her knowing we didn't have money.

"You must be serious about this class," she noted, her smile widening.

I nodded.

Her smile faltered when she realized she'd have to say no to the sneakers. "I'll...try and figure something out but things are pretty tight-"

"It's okay mom," I interrupted. "I can use my old shoes I just wanted to tell you. The class is good though," I said again.

"I'm glad."

Her small smile appear again for a moment before I caught her looking at my bruised face again. She glanced away when I caught her eye and set her coffee mug down.

"Want some hot chocolate, like I use to make you when you were little?" she asked amusedly, forcing a smile as she stood up to make it without me responding.

I listened to her search for a cup, fill it with water and wait for the microwave to go off before she set the cup in front of me and took her place across from me again. She watched me sip at the steaming mug before speaking, looking down at the table as I had been before.

"I know this year has been pretty hard for you..." she began.

"Mom, we're not going to talk about...I don't want to talk about this."

She looked up then, reaching for my hand. "You did the right thing by going to the police. I'm sure someday the truth will come out but for now we just have to get through the hard times."

I couldn't help asking. I didn't want to talk about it but I had to ask. "Do you really think things will get better?"

Because honestly, everything felt like it was getting worse.

My mother's face reflected how I was feeling.

She didn't respond for a while before saying, "I hope sure hope so, love."

She looked at the bruise on my cheek again and reached to stroke my cheek. "Did this happen at school?"

I pulled away, my new automatic response to any touch was to flinch.

"I'm fine."

She looked me over again before nodding. She finished her coffee and then set it down, standing up. "I'll be working all day and probably all night. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?"

Being completely alone in the house was something I use to look forward to. Now I was generally afraid at the thought of it being just me. My mom couldn't take time off from work though. Besides the fact that we needed the money, I knew that her time at work in the city was her time to herself, to not really have to worry about anything.

"I'll be fine," I nodded.

She ran a hand through her mass of dark orange curls, contemplating if I'd really be okay. Before a few weeks ago, she wouldn't have given me a second thought about being alone.

"Okay. I'll leave the phone number to where I'm working. Don't stay out late thought. Be home before dark. Promise?"

I nodded.

Staying out late at night wasn't exactly at the top of my to-do list.

"I promise."


	8. Chapter 8

Despite the fact that it's early on a Saturday morning, the moment my mother left, I didn't want to be in the house alone so I went out for a run.

I still didn't have running shoes but honestly I didn't feel the difference.

It was too cold outside and I felt numb.

The numbness felt good.

It was the first numbness I could revel in since everything happened and I loved it. I jogged, planning on circling the block until I reached my house again but before I knew it I was in the crowded part of town that met the city limits. I gasped, seeing the city lights and signs guiding my way. I hadn't planned on going so far but I was too far along to turn back now and the thought of being home struck me scare again so I pushed on until I stood in front of the gym.

I came to an abrupt halt and spotted Dimitri inside.

I was about to go in but then I saw he was talking to someone, his mother. Not wanting to face questioning on how I was doing and how I felt, I went around the block and found the path through the forest. I'd never ran out here without Dimitri but there was a first time for everything and I felt good.

My breathing wasn't bothering me, my body still ached because it was becoming a new normal, and I wasn't thinking as much, wanting to go home, shower, and sleep. I paid attention to the trees around me and pushed forward, for once, in what felt like a long time, on thinking about the present.

I was doing pretty good, running on my own, and then I saw a glint in the corner of my eye. En edge of the sun was peeping from behind the clouds and reflected on an old beer bottle buried in the grass.

I skidded to halt at the sight but stumbled over a branch and before I knew it, I was tumbling forward until I landed on my foot in a weird position. I cried out in pain before collapsing on my back, the leaves crunching under me.

Beer.

Beer bottles and the smell.

That night.

I shuddered, closing my eyes shut and digging my palms into my face hoping the memories would disappear as quickly as they came but the images and sensory details were too intense.

Beer. Warm breath. The weight of them on top of me. Me screaming. I screamed right now as I dropped my hands from my face and blacked out.


	9. Chapter 9

"I just came to see my only son," my mother was saying as she walked around the gym, "see how business was doing."

I smiled rubbing my hand over my unshaven face. My mother never did this, just came to drop by. We only ever saw each other when I came home for weekend dinners.

"Things are good," I said simply. "Now tell me why you're really here."

She touched the mirrored wall as if inspecting it for grime. Doctors. Always so clean. She rubbed her fingers together which means she was lost in thought. It had to be a good reason she was here.

"Is Vika alright? Sonya? Karolina?"

She looked at me surprised. "Of course, they're fine. Well, Sonya and Karo are fine but Vika's still being weird but I'm sure it's just the teenage girl thing and she'll get over it. I'm actually here to talk to you about the girl I sent here, Rose."

This surprised me. It wasn't unusual for my mother to recommend that her patients come here but she never really asked about anyone in particular.

I nodded. "What about her?"

"How is she doing here? Is she still coming to the classes?"

"Yes," I answered, still confused on why this one girl was important to my mother in particular. "She's been here everyday this week. You were right when you said she's really...broken right now," I commented.

Of all the people, women, that came through here, she was probably the most damaged. She rarely spoke and when she did she was so nervous she stuttered but at least I got her talking a lot more now. I hoped I could get her completely better soon.

My mother nodded. "Yes, that was my concern. Something happened to that girl. She wasn't telling the truth when the cop asked what happened to her. I think something worse happened, not just a mugging."

"Why do you say that?"

She waved her hand dismissively in the air. "I don't know. I've seen mugging victims before, plenty of times in my examination rooms. They weren't nearly as...traumatized as Rose was that night. I don't know if she was too scared to tell or too traumatized but I do know that if she keeps that in to herself, she could really start blaming herself for whatever really happened and that could lead to self harm, suicide..."

I held up a hand to stop her. "I don't think it's that bad. She actually seems better than when she first came in here," I assured her. "I know it's only been a week but she's a little better."

"That's good to hear. I've been thinking about her a lot lately, after hearing about the report she made to the police about that Adrian kid, I started thinking that maybe it has something do with him."

"We won't know until she says something and I don't think she's ready for that yet."

My mother ran a hand through her thick hair and relaxed a bit. "Yes, you're right. Just do me a favor and look out for her."

"It's kind of part of the job," I said with a small smile, but even without my mother having to tell me, I'd been keeping an extra eye out for Rose. I couldn't explain it but I felt like I had to.

"I know, I know. I know you believe that people need to know self defense but some people just need a friend to feel stronger."

I nodded, knowing she was right. "Yeah, I know. I'm keeping an eye on her," I assured again. this seemed to appease my mother.

She patted my hand gratefully and then looked at her phone where a message buzzed.

"I have to get back to the hospital but keep me updated on Rose, okay?"

"I will."

She gave me one of her quick cheek kisses and then hurried to get back to work. I was about to settle down in my office, enjoy the slow business of weekends until I heard a shriek.

I bolted out of my chair and hurried to the back of the gym, outside onto the path. I paused, hoping to hear it again so I'd know where to go, and sure enough I heard another cry.

I jogged quickly through the path and not to far along I spotted her, in a purple sweater, sweats and her converse. She was laying back on the grass her eyes closed, unconscious.

"Rose," I said, prodding her.

I wished my mother hadn't left so soon. I thought about calling her back but my phone was still in the office and Rose's injuries didn't look severe enough. I could patch them up. I lifted her carefully into my arms, wondering what she was doing out here and why she didn't come into the gym.

Her body tensed with each careful step I tried to take and I walked slower. It took time to get back to the medical room connected to my office where I laid her on the cot. She stirred a bit. I cleaned off her palms and a scrape on her knee before bandaging them.

She was blinking now, almost completely awake.

"Hey, are you alright? Can you hear me?"

She nodded slightly, her eyes widening at the sight of me. She bolted upright, leaning back on her hands, taking in her surroundings.

"Relax," I tried to assure her. "I found you outside," I explained. "What were you doing out there?"

The answer was obvious, she was running, but I couldn't believe she'd go out there alone. She didn't answer as she laid back on the cot, covering her eyes.

"Rose, are you sure you're alright."

"I'm fine."

I was getting use to this response but it was getting hard to tell when she meant it and when she was jut saying it to appease me.

I double checked her bandages and asked her to sit up, so I could make sure she was really okay.

"I can call my mother back here if you want? Or take you to the hospital."

She shook her head as she slid off the bed and nearly fell to the floor, her ankle giving out under her. I caught her before she fell and she flinched before gripping my arms tightly to steady herself.

"I'm going to have to lift you by the waist to put you back on the bed. Is that okay?"

She stared at me before giving the slightest of nods.

I lifted her easily onto the table, unsurprised by how light she was.

I looked at her ankle where it was purpled and already a little swollen.

"I think your ankle's sprained. You're going to need a brace to-"

"Do we have to go to the hospital?" she interrupted, shuttering.

I froze, unsure of what to say. "It's better if you do. I mean, I have something to secure it here but I'd feel better-"

"Please, no hospitals."

Her eyes were wide and she was stiff as a board. I couldn't blame her. Hospitals freaked me out too and my mother worked in one. I nodded as I reach behind me for the brace.

"Alright, no hospital but I guess we won't be doing any more running for a while."

Her face fell, disappointed.

"We can still do hand work, getting your fists in the right positions to strike but it's gonna be a while before it's okay for you to be on your foot."

She nodded again.

It was quiet while I wrapped her ankle. I thought about asking her why she was out there alone again but thought better of it. She'd tell me if she wanted to.

I set her foot gently down.

"So, are you up for a little hand to hand practice?"

Her disappointment from before faded a bit and she managed the smallest of smiles. "Yeah."

I positioned us in two foldable chairs in the gym and wrapped her hands and then my own. I gave her a few pointers on the best way to strike, how to strike without hurting herself, and a self defense pose so that her hands could block.

She was sloppy at first and even struck me in the nose once but picked it up quickly and had it perfected by the time night fell.

"I guess we're done for tonight," I said, gesturing outside to the windows where it was dark.

She looked shocked by how late it was and tried to stand. "I have to be home, I should've been home. It's dark."

I grabbed a hold of her hand and, as expected, she automatically flinched but I was growing use to it. I steadied her enough to set her down so I could unwrap her hands. "Don't worry about it. I'll take you home."

She looked horror stricken.

"If that's okay with you," I added a second later, fearing I'd made her uncomfortable.

She thought about it as I worked in silence to undo the bandages before looking outside the window again. "It's fine," she said simply. "I can take the bus."

"It's not safe to take the busses at night," I advised. "As a guy whose grown up in a house full of women, my mother would kill me if she found out I let you go home by yourself at this time of night."

"How would she know?"

"She's a mom. Mom's know everything. Or at least mine does."

I actually made her give me a full on smile and couldn't resist on in return. She blushed and his her face with her sleeve when she realized she was smiling. She looked outside again and then nodded.

"Okay, you can drive me home."


	10. Chapter 10

"It doesn't look like anyone's home," Dimitri said as he pulled in front of my house.

I thought about those horror movies where guys took advantage of the fact that no one was home but I didn't think he was one of those guys. I was trusting him. I had to. It was better than risking my life on the night busses.

I unbuckled my seatbelt. "My mother works," I finally answered.

He came around to my side to help me out of the car.

I still couldn't believe I sprained my ankle. Of all the stupid things to do I just had to go off in the forest and run alone. Now I couldn't run at all. Even though running felt good I found that I was pretty okay and not thinking about the terrible things while I was with Dimitri today and then it struck me that maybe it's him that was distracting me and not the physical work.

The first guy in weeks to be genuinely nice to me.

I immediately shook the thoughts away as he helped me to my door.

I unlocked it and hobbled inside, unsure of what to do with Dimitri behind me.

He had to help my over the step in the hallway and ended up coming all the way in, sitting me at the kitchen counter.

"It's pretty cold in here. Do you want me to turn on the heat?"

"Doesn't work," I said flipping through the caller i.d. so see if my mom called. "I can fix that."

I hadn't really heard what he said until a few moments later I heard the rattling of the heater turning on and looked up to see him putting the dial back in place on the wall.

I must have looked dumbfounded because he gave a soft laugh. "I'm good and handy work and it was a small problem."

"Thank you," I said looking up at the ceiling in disbelief. The room automatically felt warmer. I felt like I had to offer him something for fixing our heater. "D-do you...want something to drink? Some tea or hot chocolate?" I offered gesturing to the counter awkwardly as I tried to turn in my chair.

He smiled, walking toward the counter. "Sure. I'll make it."

He helped himself to the kitchen with me giving him direction on where the cups and hot chocolate mixes were and soon enough he was setting down my second cup of reassuring hot chocolate for the day.

I hadn't even finished my cup from this morning because of how distracted I'd been, thinking too much about what to say to my mother's questions. I could relax and enjoy it now.

I sipped the warm liquid and felt cool all over.

"The trick is to add two bags to each cup," he told me, drinking from his own cup.

"It's good," I agreed. "My favorite drink."

"Mine too," he smiled softly.

We drank in silence we sipped at our drinks. It wasn't uncomfortable so much as I felt like I had to fill the silence but I couldn't come up with anything and then I realized it was okay if I said nothing. Patience was one of Dimitri's good traits.

I looked at his hands, his arms, and thought about how much I use to want to feel safe when someone held me but Adrian had taken that all away. Now I was afraid of everything, even the slightest touch. I focused on the sound of the heater still on to distract myself.

"My mother will really appreciate that you fixed that," I told him gratefully. "She was worried...this morning about it being too cold."

"My mother still makes sure I wear my ear muffs when it snows," he smiled and I actually almost giggled.

I held the warm cup between my hands. They felt a little tender after practicing striking today. My palms were the pattern of the gauze that had been wrapped around my hand and were a little red. My nails were broken and chipped and overall my skin was thin and cool.

Dimitri noticed me looking at my hands. "They won't feel as bad after a while of practice," he said, setting his mug down. "You're feet won't hurt as much either once you get use to running but it's better with the running shoes. You could have just come in and borrowed them."

I saw where this was going.

He was going to ask why I didn't just come right into the gym, why I was running by myself.

All legit questions but none I could really answer without thinking about why I was running so hard without paying attention.

"Rose."

He said my name gently, stirring me from my thoughts. I didn't look up from my almost empty mug.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have been out there alone," I started to apologize.

I expected him to question me, to interrogate but with his ever-present patience, he was quiet, waiting for me to continue on my own.

"I...I honestly don't know how I even ended up at the gym. Running...isn't something I like doing, at least not before...but now I kind of like it. You were right. It clears my head. I went running this morning around my neighborhood and I just ended up at the gym. I didn't want to stop."

One of those prolonged silences fell into place as he waited for me to tell him why and still explain what had made me fall in the woods.

As I thought about whether I was up for saying anymore to this man who was so patient when I spoke and thought, he spoke.

"Do you know why my first lesson for you is to run?"

I looked up, running my finger over the edge of my mug.

I shook my head.

"It's always good to know the limits of your body, so that if you ever have to run because you're in danger, you know that you can probably outrun your attacker."

I visibly flinched. 'Attacker'.

He continued.

"Running also gives you the feeling that you can do anything, go anywhere at anytime and no one can touch you."

I liked that. It was kind of how I was feeling. Not like I could do anything but like I was moving so fast that no one could stop me. No one could hurt me again. I was safe as long as I was moving.

"I use to run," he said wistfully, as if lost in thought.

"You were a cop," I noted, remembering what Officer Alto had told me.

He nodded slightly, running his finger along the edge of the mug the same way I did. "Running was a part of the job," he said, pride in his voice. He suddenly sounded very much like his mother. "I love it. Every moment of it. It was an adrenaline rush."

I wanted to ask what happened, how he'd been hurt on the job but everyone had a right to their secrets. Especially me. It felt safer that way. Then I couldn't feel the pain anymore. I wondered if Dimitri felt the same way.

He looked completely lost for a moment, thinking back to his days as a cop most likely. He couldn't have been a cop for very long. He still looked young. I wanted him to brighten up, the same way he managed to brighten me up before.

"Do you still run?"

He finally looked up as if just realizing where he was and that I was still there.

"Sometimes but I can't push myself as hard as I use to."

Can't.

I used that same word when I went to tell him I didn't think I could fight and I remembered his response.

"To be able to do something, you have to want to do it."

He smiled at me quoting him, a full on bright smile that was almost too hard not to return.

"True. Believe me I want to run as much as I use to but-"

"No buts," in interrupted, wondering where this boldness was coming from. It sounded so much like my old self.

Maybe it was the sight of a man as physically strong as Dimitri, someone who seemed so well put together and gave strength to everyone else, hurting because of something that happened in the past just like me that really tore me up inside. I didn't like seeing him like this. I'd only known him a few days but I already decided I didn't like him like this.

He seemed as surprised by my interruption as me but only continued to smile.

"You're right. I could probably run like I use to. I might need a partner though and since you seem to be loving running so much, wanna join me...once your ankle heals of course," he added, both of us glancing at my cast.

It sucked, the thought of not being able to run when I was just getting use to it.

The disappointment must've read on my face.

"We can actually use your swollen ankle to our advantage."  
"How? More hand to hand 'cause I don't want to hit you in the nose again," I cringed, thinking back on how I struck him earlier today accidentally.

"No," he laughed. "Enduring pain. Enduring physical pain can help you overcome any kind of emotional pain. What do you say? It'll be a sort of rehabilitation. We can start when you feel up to it."

If it was as close to running as I could get, it sounded good. I nodded.

"Good. I think we should get you a pair of your own running shoes...shoes you can really break in and call your own," he suggested.

I shook my head, a few strands of my hair coming loose from my ponytail. "Oh, I can't...I can't afford-"

"No problem. I've got it covered he offered," nonchalantly.

"I can't let you..." my words trailed off because I wanted new shoes but I didn't feel right about letting someone else buy them.

"Without proper running shoes for you, I'll be struggling to run alone," he smiled.

That sounded like enough of a reason to me. I liked this, the idea of helping myself and helping someone else. I felt...excited about something. Running.

"Besides, you'll be less likely to fall with proper shoes," he added, taking both of our cups to the sink to wash and rinse out.

I opened my mouth to tell him that wasn't why I fell, I fell because I was afraid but nothing came out. I waited until he put the mugs on the dish rack and walked back over to me. I felt like I had to tell him, it'd be better if I did.

"I...I didn't fall because of the shoes. I mean I did but that's not the only reason."

He looked down at me from his enormous height and waited, confusion on his face, his brows furrowed and those deep friendly brown eyes staring directly into me. I shuddered. I didn't want to tell him anymore 'cause then I'd remember and I don't want to remember. But it was already out now.

I thought about continuing before shutting my mouth.

When he realized I wasn't going to say anymore he spoke again. "You know, one of the good parts about running is that you don't have to say a word. In fact it's pretty hard to run and talk. You can run and work out everything that's going on in your head but if to gets to be too much, if you think you'd feel better talking about it, I'm here," he offered.

I hadn't told anyone the truth of what happened. The thought of even talking about it brought butterflies to my stomach and made my heart stop but his offer was nice and comforting. I probably wouldn't use it but I nodded, hoping I came across as grateful.

"Well, I should probably get going."

He reached for his keys.

If he was leaving, I'd be alone, in the house, by myself. I'd be okay. I'm fine.

I took a deep breath and hopped off my stool.

"I can find my way out," he offered, seeing me trying to keep the weight off my foot.

"I'll walk you. I have to lock up after you."

He opened the front door and looked around at the darkness of our street and listening to the quiet. He turned to look back at me, his huge frame filling the doorway.

"Are you sure you'll be alright here by yourself? Your mom will be home soon?"

No, but it'd reassure him enough to leave me and I had to be alone eventually. I was home, I could shower, and sleep and before I knew it, it'd be morning.

"I'll be fine."

I realized I didn't answer his second question but he didn't call me on it. He nodded. "OKay. If you need anything..."

"Thank you," I told him gently.

And I meant it.

I felt fine but with everything he said today, everything he offered out of generosity, everything he did for me today, I felt better.

He seemed to see how much I meant it, smile softly again, enough to stretch his unshaven tanned cheeks high on his face. It was a nice smile that made me feel warmer than I had in days and then he left.

I didn't hear him step off the porch until I locked and secured the door. When his car pulled away and I couldn't see his lights through my window anymore I realized I was alone.

As worried as I'd been before, something about knowing Dimitri was there to help me, I felt better than fine.

I felt okay.


	11. Chapter 11

The best part about not being able to sleep is not having nightmares.

I've been pretty lucky, drifting in and out of sleep since it all happened.

Except for tonight.

It took me a while to settle myself down after Dimitri left. The house was suddenly too empty, too quiet. Every small noise I heard or shadow I saw was someone coming to get me.

I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to slide into my bed and hope morning would come soon.

I thought about calling my mom, telling her I couldn't take being alone but I couldn't do that. I couldn't make her choose between money we definitely needed and me being afraid.

Before any of this happened, I felt like I was never alone.

I had friends to call, to come over or go out with. I never had to worry about being alone and now it's all I worry and think about, especially as I lie in my bed listening to all the sounds of the house and outside.

I fall asleep listening and worrying and end up dreaming for the first time in a long time.

I dream of my old life before any of this happened.

I dream of my friends: Meredith, Camille, Avery, Lissa, Charlie, Ralph, Jesse.

I dream of my boyfriend: Adrian.

I dream of my only family, my mother being happy.

And at some point everything goes dark. My friends drift away from me and I wake up and realize none of this is real anymore. These aren't my friends anymore, I don't have a boyfriend anymore, and my mother seems about as happy as I feel lately, just going through the motions.

When I'm really awake, trying to shake the dreams away, I open my eyes to find my mother kneeling beside me in her robe and slippers, her tangled hair pulled back in a sloppy bun, and a coffee mug in her hand. She looks concerned.

"Are you alright? I thought I heard you talking in your sleep, crying even."

I sit all the way up I my bed and look around my room trying to orient myself hoping I can forget the dream completely, hoping I can forget everything.

"I'm fine."

She doesn't believe me but she doesn't say anything either. She straightens up holding her coffee in both hands.

She catches a glimpse of my bandaged foot but doesn't say anything then either.

"You should come down stairs. There's someone here to see you."

Before I can wipe my confused expression off my face and ask who, my mother leaves the room. I can heard her in the kitchen, asking someone if they want anything to drink.

I make my way downstairs carefully with my bandaged ankle, wondering who would be visiting me.

"Hey Rose," Lissa greets, standing awkwardly in the kitchen.

There are plenty of chairs for her to sit in but she's shifting from foot to foot, almost like she unsure if it's even alright for her to be there. My mother is rinsing out dishes in the sink but it's obvious that she's listening and not going to leave us alone.

She use to like Lissa before all this happened.

Now all she sees is a girl who turned her back on her daughter and that's not something my mother will stand for. The last time she saw Lissa, she'd yelled at her. I wondered if Lissa was remembering the same thing as she continued switching from foot to foot, swinging her purse on different shoulders.

We stood staring at one another for a long time.

I could only imagine what I looked like right now, hair standing on end, disheveled tank top and sleeping shorts, and a thick bandage around my ankle My face must still look puffy and swollen a bit. It sure felt like it. Lissa in comparison looked great with her platinum hair straightened down her shoulders, makeup neatly applied to her face, and wearing a nice green sweater dress I helped her pick out a month before.

Her outfit looked great but the expression shifting on her face said otherwise.

"Hey," I finally greeted in reply.

She shifted her green eyes from me to my mother's back that was still turned to us. She wanted to talk in private.

"Can we talk in private?" she asked

My mother turned around then looked from Lissa to me, her arms folded across her chest. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear anything Lissa had to say but I definitely knew I didn't want to watch my mother possibly yell at Lissa again.

"Yeah sure," I finally answered.

I gestured to the living room and looked over my shoulder to assure my mom that I was okay. She gave a stiff nod in reply and turned back toward the dishes.

I knew she'd be listening.

Lissa stood close to the front door, ready to bolt at any second.

I shared the feeling.

I've known Lissa my entire life and we've never had trouble talking to each other, not since I went to the police.

I knew why she was here though. Guilt. Lissa always felt easily guilty.

"Are you here about what happened with Camille?" I asked.

Her shoulders sagged a bit. "I should've done something."

"You should've done something when I went to the police too," I couldn't help adding.

I could hear her surprised gasp at me even bringing it up.

She dropped her head. "I...I know. Seems like you're always fighting my battles."

"Just once I wish you'd return the favor."

Everything I'd been feeling the last few weeks was building up and without anyone to really take it out on, Lissa was my scapegoat.

She stiffened. I'd never been this harsh on her.

She opened her mouth ready to start apologizing but I held up my hand. "Don't apologize. I went to the police to help you and you turned against me. Do you know how bad things have been for me! Everyone in school, in town, hates me. My locker is sprayed painted and tagged everyday, people shove and trip me in the hall, and last weekend-" I stopped abruptly.

I had to forget about last weekend.

That wasn't directly Lissa's fault. I just had to forget. Bringing it up only made the pain that much worse.

"Never mind," I mumbled as she waited for me to continue, her eyes swelling with tears. If either of us should be crying, I should be.

We stood in another long silence, unsure of what to say.

"I think it's time you left," my mother said coming into the living room standing beside me. "You've done enough."

I loved my mom and her protective nature but it still hurt that we weren't as close to Lissa as we once were. We use to be a little family of our own but things changed. People changed.

She looked at the both of us with her green eyes and slowly slipped out the door.

It shut with a click.

"Are you alri-"

"I'm fine," I interrupted, pulling out of her reach. "I just...I'm fine."

I managed my way back to my room and shut the door behind me.

Everything was different now.

I wanted more than anything right now for things to be the same.


	12. Chapter 12

My mother left for work without saying anything.

I went downstairs and found a note taped to the fridge reminding me should be working late and to call if anything was wrong.

Everything felt wrong but she didn't need to know that.

I thought about doing my homework but didn't feel up to it. I didn't even think I'd be able do my homework since I didn't really pay attention in class. Instead I cleaned the house but there wasn't much to clean and after a while my ankle started to ache so I settled in front of the tv.

The house felt quiet and empty even with the tv on. I wish I could run.

The house phone rang and I leaned to answer it.

"Hello?"

"How's the ankle?" A familiar accented voice asked.

I fumbled for a response, surprised he called.

"Um...fine."

"Do you have any plans today?"

He sounded like he was driving. I could hear traffic in the background.

Beside the brief cleaning I'd done and the homework I wasn't planning on doing, no.

"No," I answered aloud.

"Are you up for a run? I thought we might work out that ankle of yours," he offered.

I perked up immediately. Anything to get out of this house.

"Yeah. Yes," I corrected.

He chuckled, actually gave a soft breathy laugh, on the other end of the phone.

"Okay. I'll meet you in a few minutes I just have an important errand to run first."

I hung up and it took me a full excited moment to even get myself off of the couch. I went upstairs to change into a tank top, my long-sleeved gray sweater, and a pair of sweats. I struggled to pull on my old shoes wishing I had appropriate running sneakers. It hit me just then that even without the right shoes I was excited about something.

I had never really felt excited about something before.

There was the time Lissa and I found out we made the cheerleading team, the times I was allowed to go to parties, and the time I had my first boyfriend. None of those things felt like this. I felt happy.

By the time I made it downstairs Dimitri was at my door.

I opened it to find him holding a long box out to me. A shoe box.

"My important errand," he explained.

It took a moment for me to realize what was in them.

"I...I can't accept-"

"I know. You said that yesterday too but remember: I need a running partner, preferably one with the right shoes she won't trip and stumble into me," he smiled, pushing the box closer toward me.

I smiled despite my reluctance. The name on the box was a real name-brand, nothing like the swap meet shoes my mother bought for me.

"At least take a peek inside. If the amazingness of these shoes doesn't wow you, I'll take them back and you can run in the shoes you have now and we can fall all over each other." His smile really was contagious. I tried to bite my own smile back but failed. "You know you wanna peek," he persuaded in a sing-song voice.

I took a hold of the box and stepped completely outside, closing the door behind me, and sitting on the front porch.

He sat beside me, stretching his long legs out in front of him sheathed in sweatpants.

I opened the box slowly, not wanting to seem to eager but, unable to help myself, I tossed the lid of the box aside and handed the tissue paper to Dimitri. I could feel him smiling at my eagerness but didn't dare look over as I focused my eyes on the beautiful white running shoes in my hand.

"They're... amazing," I admitted, holding one up to see closer.

I think I was more grateful to have a gift than the shoes themselves.

"So I don't have to take them back. Their amazingness has wowed you?"

I couldn't help giggling. "Yes. I am wowed."

"Good. And if you start to feel like you cant accept just remember that we can both benefit from them: you have a new pair of shoes and I have a running partner."

"Thank you. I can't even tell you how much I appreciate this...just...thank you."

He gave a curt nod. "You're welcome."

He gestured for me to try them on. Surprisingly the first shoe fit perfectly. I was amazed he guessed my size but I was fearful the second shoes would be more difficult to put on with my sprained ankle.

"Here let me help you," he offered.

Before I could respond he grabbed the shoe and my socked foot. I visibly flinched and he paused at my reluctance. I gave him a nod to tell him it was okay and he continued, helping me slip my foot slowly into the shoe.

"I know it must seem weird," he began as he worked my foot in, "or at least feel weird...me calling you, inviting you out to run."

"No," I answered simply.

If anything it felt good having someone even wanting to spend time with me and for me to spend time with. I wasn't use to being alone so much. Before any of this happened I was always surrounded by friends. Now I was always alone.

He nodded at my answer.

"Does your mother know...I just want to make sure because like I said. It's kind of unorthodox."

"She already left for work. She'll be fine with this," I added. "She's the one that wanted me to take your defense class in the first place."

I'm sure when my mother pushed me to take the class that she didn't expect I'd be jogging with my instructor on the weekends. I didn't need to point that out though. I didn't want to risk losing the last person beside my mother who even talked to me.

Dimitri seemed to accept my answer enough and gently set my foot down. I noted that I felt a little less warm since he released my foot.

"How does it feel?"

I worried for a second that I spoke my thoughts aloud before I realized he was talking about my foot and ankle.

"Good," I replied.

"Good," he agreed. "Then let's get started."


	13. Chapter 13

"We're going to jog around my neighborhood?" I asked reluctantly as we stood on the corner at the end of my street after stretching.

The stretching was supposedly supposed to easy any tension in our bodies and loosen up muscles but I felt tense despite the stretch.

I had hoped we'd run somewhere else.

"Yeah I thought it might be easier for you to run in familiar territory," he answered.

He looked a little uneasy himself probably nervous about running after not having done it so long.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked not wanting to be the reason to push someone into something they didn't want to do.

He glanced at me, a grateful smile on his face for my concern and nodded. "Yeah I want to do this. How does the ankle feel?"

"Little achy since I've been standing on it," I admitted.

"That's fine. The best way to push through the pain is to either muster up the best memory you can or the most painful. Then your focus wont be on your ankle but your memory."

I didn't like the sound of that, having to remember anything but I nodded anyway.

Dimitri looked just as reluctant and I noticed him gently touch his leg. I wondered what his most painful memory was like.

He straightened up and steeled himself, ready to run. "Are you ready?" he asked taking a deep breath himself.

I inhaled the cool air and a sweet spicy scent that I realized was his aftershave before nodding.

We started slow at first, almost at a walking pace, but as time passed I found that the pain in my ankle was a little more bearable with each step. I was too lost in my own memories to even really make sure Dimitri was okay beside me. I could feel him beside me, his presence was too large to ignore especially with his size, but I was way too far gone in my thoughts.

Remembering.

My most painful memory.

_My muffled scream, the_ rough, calloused hand. His other hand making it's way up my leg, pushing my skirt up.

No, I couldn't remember. I had to forget. I didn't want to remember.

_Hands all over me, laughter._

I could feel myself trying to shake the memories away but they wouldn't go away. They were too clear in my mind.

_My blurry tears. Green, blue, and brown, eyes glistening above me, dancing with laughter and amusement. The only light in the room came from the moon outside the window but it was enough to see them by._

_I just wanted it to be over._

_I wanted to go home._

_Unable to fight and feeling too small and too week, and very tired and cold._

_It'll be over soon, I told myself. I just have to think about something else. It'll be over soon._

_I was crying softly now, quietly, and before I knew it, I didn't feel the weight of them on top of me any more. I could still smell the stale beer rolling off of them though so I knew they were still to close to me. I didn't dare move..._

I stopped running.

I could heard Dimitri right in front of me, asking if I was alright, what was wrong but he sounded so far away.

He slowly reached out to put a gentle hand on my shoulder but I panicked, mistaking it for one of _their _hands and swatted him away. I was breathing to deeply. I had to sit. I had to think to clear my head. I had to forget because when I forgot I was okay. I was fine.

"Rose, please I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," Dimitri said.

When I didn't reply. he said, "Let's just sit down for a second. Okay? I'm going to help you sit down."

Somehow we'd made it around the neighborhood and ended up back at my house on the steps leading to my front door. I walked in a daze and let Dimitri guide me down. I felt Dimitri sit beside me, stretching his bad leg out in front of him. I pulled my hair that had come undone from it's ponytail back from my face. Dimitri let me sit in silence for a long time.

"Do you need some water?"

I shook my head. "No...I just...I think I need to go lie down."

He nodded, his concerned brown eyes never leaving my face. Despite wanting to go inside and lie down, tucked away into my bed, I didn't move. I couldn't decided if I wanted to be left alone or if being alone would just make it harder to forget.

"Rose," he started gently, "I make it a rule not to push anyone into telling me why they want to learn to fight. I figure it isn't my business and if they want to tell me, that's up to them. In your case though, I think it might be better if you told me. Maybe I can help. Keeping whatever it is to yourself is preventing you from doing anything."

I swallowed past the dryness in my throat and shuddered.

Talking about it meant I had to remember and I didn't want to remember.

But I couldn't help wondering what it might feel like to tell someone else, someone not involved or already aware of what's going on. The thought of telling someone, especially Dimitri, eased a weight off my shoulders. I decided I could tell him and trust him. I just wasn't sure I wanted to because once he knew, there was no going back.

I took a shaky breath.

He waited patiently, pulling a water bottle out of who knows where and handing it to me. I drank it grateful before setting it between us and running my hands through my hair again.

"I lied to the police," I started.

He looked surprised, as if he hadn't expected for me to start with that.

"About what?"

"I lied to you too," I added, feeling ashamed. "And your mother, my mother," I listed.

His confusion seemed to disappear. "You lied about being mugged," he guessed.

I nodded.

"I knew that," he said. "I could see it on your face."

This didn't surprise me. Dimitri seemed to be the only person to be able to read me like a book. "When I went to your class that first day, you knew who I was."

"Your name has been around town lately. What you did was pretty big," he commented sounded like he admired me.

I wasn't sure if what I did was a good thing or a bad thing or if I had the chance that I'd do it over again. I took a deep breath and decided to just let it all out.

"Do you know the full story of what happened?"

"Only what people have told me," he admitted. "You reported the son of one of the most prominent families in town for rape."

I took another shaky breath and nodded. "Yeah I did. I don't even know how things got so bad," I sighed running my hands over my tired face. "One day, everything is fine and perfect and the next...the majority of town hates me."

"There are people that admire you," he noted, smiling as if he himself was included in that.

I gave a small smile, despite my unease at having to remember all of this.

"People are just surprised. The rule around here has always been that you don't mess with the prominent families, no matter what crimes they committed," he commented.

"I know. I couldn't let them get away with what they did though."

"You did the right thing."

I tucked my hair behind my ears and straightened up, ready to give the full story.

"Everything was so perfect in high school before all of this happened. I was dating Adrian Ivashkov the guy who doesn't date anyone, Lissa was dating his best friend Jesse, and everything just felt right. We were always having a good time and there was always a group of us hanging out together so I wasn't really nervous about having Adrian Ivashkov as my boyfriend. Everyone loves him. He knows how to charm people and make them like him. He seemed like the perfect boyfriend. But there's this one night at a party where he's really drunk and somehow we ended up alone together when I try and drive him home. He never really tried to sleep with before, it just never came up and I was really okay with that but that night after the party he really came at me and tried to..."

I let my words trail off. Dimitri hesitated before resting his hand on my own, not moving it when I didn't flinch. "It's alright."

I continued with his encouragement, warmth flooded through my hand. "He didn't do anything though. He was too drunk and I managed to fight him off. I went home and just hoped the next day it would be forgotten. I know that sounds...terrible and wrong but I just...didn't know what to do."

"A lot of women don't," he assured me gently.

"The next day though, Adrian dumped me, told everyone I'd been whoring myself out around town. Of course everyone believed him. Lissa knew he was lying but she didn't say anything because she didn't want it to end up like it was before, when it was just the two of us and we were pretty much social outcasts. I couldn't blame her, I wouldn't want that either. So I didn't say anything. A few weeks went by and next thing I know she's dating Adrian. I couldn't...I couldn't just let her go out with him knowing what he'd try to do. I tried to warn her but she wouldn't listen, told me I was jealous of her taking my spot in our group. She ignored me for a while but a few days later, I found her in the bathroom crying and she told me what happened. Adrian raped her and it was my fault for not doing anything."

"None of this was your fault," Dimitri assure me, giving my hand a squeeze.

"I could've tried to do more to stop him, report him sooner."

"You were just as scared. None of this was your fault," he repeated.

His words didn't really sink in. It felt like my fault. I continued with the story. "I tried to convince Lissa to report him but she wouldn't. She didn't want to lose her 'friends' and she was afraid of being an outcast like I was. At lunch, the day after he attacked her, he had a new girl on his arm and I knew what he'd end up doing to her. I couldn't let it happened again. I felt guilty enough already. So that day after school I went to the police and reported him. The majority of them didn't believe me but that one cop, Officer Alto, he believed me but he just couldn't prove it and I didn't have any evidence. He went to question Adrian and that's when everyone found out. Everyone that I was just being a jealous scorned girlfriend making up lies. Lissa wouldn't back me up or talk to the police so of course I looked crazy."

"What you did was brave for speaking up," Dimitri said.

"I should've done it sooner," I complained, locking my fingers in my hair.

"It's good that you said anything at all."

"Yeah well even after I report him, nothing happened accept I was suffering from an extreme case of bullying. Lissa came by my house the day after the police talked to her and she was angry and yelling at me. The only one who believed me, my mom, stood up for me and I love her for that but it's only made things worse for the both of us. Two weeks after I made the report, I was walking home and Adrian and his friends found me. They took me to his backhouse and..."

I was crying softly now, tears streaming down my face. There was no holding back the memories anymore.

"I tried to get away," I sobbed.

Sometime after I started crying Dimitri encircled and heavy arm around my shoulders and engulfed me in a hug. He muttered how sorry he was that happened to me. I didn't flinch. I felt more comfortable than I had in weeks and warm. He let me cry until all that was left were soft sobs and my hiccups.

"Your mother doesn't know," he acknowledged.

I shook my head. "She's been through enough already with all of this going on. She lost two jobs and was lucky enough to find replacements...I couldn't..."

"You're her daughter. You're more important to her than anything."

I knew that but the idea of telling her didn't seem like a good one. I shook my head against his shoulder, pulling away to wipe at my eyes.

"Rose, you have to tell her."

"Telling people about something terrible is what made me a social outcast in the first place," I laughed dryly. "I just want to forget."

"That won't help."

I knew there was truth to his words. "Yeah but for a while...I can pretend it does."

He nodded as if he understood.

"We do that a lot in my family...pretend the bad stuff never happened..."

"It's easier that way," I pointed out.

"Yeah but eventually we have to face our fears and it gets better. My sister Viktoria especially. There's something wrong with her but she wont talk to any of us about it and if there's anyone in the world who is stubborn it's her. We think it has something to do with some guy she said she was dating. She says she's fine but...we can tell she's not. Ignoring the bad stuff is kind of a Belikov trait," he smiled gently.

Belikov...Viktoria...Viktoria Belikov...the name suddenly set off alarms in my head...Belikov...the third girl Adrian dated...her last name was...

"Your sister is Viktoria Belikov," I said looking at Dimitri in surprise.

He nodded. "Not many people in town with that name," he said gently, confused as to why I pointed his sister's name out.

"The third girl Adrian dated...her name was Viktoria Belikov."


	14. Chapter 14

"Vika!" I called out as I entered my mother's house.

I could hear Rose gently close the door behind me. I didn't even really notice she was still with me after I took off, driving in a blind rage, until I stopped at a red light and saw that she had climbed into my car with me and was sitting beside me in silence and in as deep thought as I was.

My thoughts were bouncing around from Vika, thinking back to how weird she'd been acting lately, to what Rose told me.

I walked through my mother's house in search of my youngest sister.

"Vika," I called out again.

My grandmother appeared, wiping a dripping dish in her hands, concern and annoyance at my loudness clear on her face. "Dimka. Why are you making so much noise?" she asked me in Russian.

She glanced at Rose behind me, concerned. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Where's Vika?"

"Upstairs as usual," she gestured.

Before she could ask more I hurried up the stairs and knocked once before pushing my sister's bedroom door open. It was in its usual state, clothes strewn over the floor, makeup spread out on the tops of her dresser and vanity mirror, and she was laying in her bed facing the window.

She shot up and turned around to glare at me when I entered.

"What?!" she snapped, sitting up in her bed.

Her eyes shifted behind me, telling me Rose had followed me into the room. I watched my sister's brown eyes widened as she recognized who Rose was but she didn't say anything for a while, straightening up on her bed.

"What is she doing here?" she snapped in Russian.

I answered her question with a question. "The guy you were dating a few weeks ago, was it Adrian Ivashkov?"

My sister visibly flinched, similar to how Rose so often did.

"Vika? Was it him?"

Her silence said it all.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I paced at the end of her bed feeling flustered and ready to hit something. The cop in me was ready to go out to my car and hunt Ivashkov down. I'd heard the rumors, I knew the stories of what happened with Rose but now that I knew the truth, I didn't know how to react. I was having trouble controlling my anger.

"What did she tell you?" she hissed in Russian. She shifted her gaze to Rose. "What lies did you tell him? Everyone knows you're a liar! You're just ticked off he dumped you! Why don't just stop?!"  
"Vika!"

I looked at Rose.

She seemed either unfazed by my sister's rudeness or use to being talked to that way. She gave me a shrug to say she was fine and understood and then turned to leave the room.

Viktoria glared at her as she left.

She quieted and rolled over onto her bed with a huff.

I walked to the other side so that she was facing me an kneeled in front of her.

"Did he hurt-"

"Screw you Dimka I'm fine now get out!"

I had all the answer I needed. I straightened up.

"He isn't going to get away with this, whether you want to do something about this or not," I said over my shoulder as I left the room, closing the door behind me.

Rose was standing in the living room, Yeva standing near her talking in a concerned voice.

"...shouldn't listening to what people say to you. You are a pretty amazing girl," my grandmother was saying.

It was rare she spoke so nicely. I stopped just out of range to listen.

"Thank you," Rose said gently. "But I think I'm just making things worse, every time I open my mouth to say something. I should go."

She moved toward the door, giving my grandmother an apologetic glance. I hurried after her, giving Yeva an expression to tell her what was going on later.

Rose moved pretty quickly even with a sprained ankle. The training this morning really helped.

"Rose, hang on," I called.

She stopped halfway down the driveway, pausing before she turned to face me.

"Look, I-I was probably mistaken. It wasn't your sister," she fumbled to lie.

"I know what you're trying to do-"

"To prevent her from getting sucked into all of this like I am. I should just keep my mouth shut."

She was flustered and breathing deeply. She nibbled on her bottom lip as she ran her hands through her mane of dark hair.

I could suddenly see her as one of the popular girls at school, having it all only to end up like this, shattered, a little broken.

"I am grateful that you're trying to protect my sister but I am also grateful that you told me. I can't...we can't let him get away with this."

"There's nothing the police can do."

"I'm a cop. I was a cop," I corrected. "I have a few friends still on the force. I could talk to-"

"No one is going to listen!" she shouted throwing her hands up in frustration. "Trust me. Saying anything will just make everything worse...just leave it alone."

She rested her eyes on me for a second to make sure her words sank in before turning on her heel and jogging away, faster than ever.


	15. Chapter 15

I was shoved against the lockers the next day at school.

I was walking to my first class late, reluctant to even be at school. I already felt like hell after my day yesterday with Dimitri. I even considered ditching school but finishing school is my only way out of this town and far away from these people.

Jesse spotted me first, raising a dimpled grin as I looked around to find that I was completely alone in the halls and there was nowhere for me to run. There were classrooms on either side but this was one of the mornings we had assembly in the auditorium an entire two buildings away from here.

I panicked.

Jesse wrapped a tight arm around my shoulders and hugged me to his body before shoving me into the lockers.

Charlie and Ralph stood on either side of him, smirking just as creepily.

"Charlie here tells us you're taking self-defense," he chuckles placing both of his hands on either side of me. "What are you defending yourself from Rosie? Hasn't the worst already happened?"

"Maybe she's afraid we'll invite her out to play with us again." Ralph leaned in closer tugging on a strand of my hair.

"I want to play with Rose," Charlie smiled. "Especially since I wasn't invited out the last time."

"A lot of the guys didn't get to have as much fun as we did," Jesse agreed. "We should have another 'get together' real soon."

He pressed his body against mine using one of his legs to spread mine open but I stood firm, trying to fight the aching feeling in my back and shoulders from being shoved into the cool metal.

"She's getting tougher. Trying to be a fighter, Rosie?" Jesse prodded, pushing himself harder against me.

"Sure didn't put up much of a fight the first time," Ralph added tugging harder on my hair.

I wondered how far they would have gotten in the empty hall if the bell hadn't of rang just then signaling the end of assembly. They looked pretty eager and willing to test the waters. I trembled as Jesse used the lockers to leverage himself away from me.

"We'll talk more later," he winked as the three strode away and people started to fill the hall.

It was time for first period but I was less than up for going to class. Any resolve I had about school being important was gone now. I took a moment to catch my breath, grabbed my bag off the floor, and made a run for it.

I didn't stop running until the ache in my lungs and ankle made me stop and when I stopped I was in front of Dimitri's gym. I couldn't figure out why I kept bring myself here. Maybe it was because it was where I felt safest, having someone else around. I wasn't sure he wanted to see me after I ran off on him yesterday though so I sat crouched outside the building on top of my backpack hoping none of the cops would see me and give me a ticket for truancy.

I sat there for an entire hour, spacing out and feeling every ache in my body from running so far, before the door to the gym opened and Dimitri stood leaning against it holding it open.

"I've been waiting for you to come inside for over an hour now," he greeted.

I looked up at him in surprise that he'd even noticed I was here.

"I wasn't sure...that you'd want to see me after yesterday."

"The only reason I shouldn't want to see you now is because you should be in school. I'm guessing you have a good reason for ditching?" he asked, holding down a hand to help me up.

I took it gratefully without a moment's hesitation and lead the way inside the building where the cool air smelt like rubber, leather, plastic, and sweat. I caught the lingering scent of Dimitri's aftershave though as he walked beside me.

I nod, answering his question.

He gave a sort of nervous laugh. "I'm not the reason you ditched, am I?" he asked worriedly.

I gave a sort of laugh despite my mood and shook my head. "No...my day just didn't start well and it didn't seem like it was going to get any better."

He set up to foldable chairs and sat in the one across from me, offering me a water bottle from the table beside him.

"Did you run here?" he asked when I finished the bottle in one guzzle.

I nodded, tossing it into recycling.

"Something bad must've happened," he noted. His eyes landed on my shoulder where I was running my hand over the sore spot. "I hate this," he said shaking his head, staring down a his suddenly clenched fists. "I hate that bad things are happening and I can't do anything about it."

"You can't protect everyone," I told him gently.

"It's the former cop in me. I wanted to protect everyone. Had a bit of trouble holding my anger back sometimes which is why, after my accident, I decided to teach self-defense. I thought it might help release some of my pent up anger."

I opened my mouth to ask him a question I'd been wondering for a while now but lost my courage and closed my mouth. Dimitri noticed though.

"What?" he asked gently.

"I...can I ask how you got hurt? You don't have to answer me," I rushed on not wanting to pry. "I was just...curious I guess."

He gave another nervous laugh that rang through my ears, gentle. "You told me about your worst nightmare. I think I can share the worst day of my life. I became a cop two years into college. College just wasn't something I was really into. I wanted to help people but I wanted to do it right away, not wait four years for a degree and then figure out how I wanted to help people. My first few years as a cop was great until there was a call about a domestic disturbance. I heard the address on the scanner and I realized it was my house."

I could feel my eyes widen in surprise.

"I grew up in a house with an amazing mother and too many sisters but I had one of the worst fathers in the world. After watching what he did to my mother and sisters after so many years, he was the reason I wanted to help people. I kicked him out of the house when I was twelve but a while ago he was drunk, came back to the house while I was on duty and he was trying to hurt my mother and sisters again so my grandmother called the police. I was the first to respond, me and my best friend Ivan. We got there and all hell broke loose. He had a gun aimed at my mother and when I dived to push her out-of-the-way he shot me in the leg and then turned the gun on Ivan before turning it on himself."

I shuttered.

I'd always heard that saying that there's always someone in the world with a worse story than yours. This was it. At least it sounded like it.

Suddenly I felt lucky to have a father that simply walked out on me.

"Ivan was pronounced dead at the scene and I was told that my leg was too much of a liability to continue as a cop," he finished.

He stared down at his clasped hands resting on his knees, wearing that same empty look I wore when I remembered the bad things. I didn't like that look on him. It hurt knowing someone else was hurting. I slowly reached my hand out and rested it over both of his.

I didn't bother giving condolences or saying I was sorry to hear that because it never helped. Those words never made anyone feel better.

He looked up, his brown eyes brightening and smiled to me gratefully.

We sat in comfortable silence until my stomach growled and Dimitri chuckled.

"If I was a good role model, I'd take you back to school but since I know we'd only feel terrible if I did that, how about we go for something to eat. I think we have a few things to talk about," he offered, standing up.

It was just then that I realized he was dressed in dark jeans, a loose fitting cotton shirt with only three buttons at the top, and a pair of Converse. Business here was probably slow during the day and he must've had free time to himself.

I liked the idea of having a day away from school, figuring I'd be better enough by tomorrow to go back.

I stood along with him and followed him out to his car. "What if a cop see's me and gives me a ticket for truancy?" I asked worriedly, climbing in.

"We'll go someplace a little way out-of-town then if that's okay with you. I have the perfect place."

Being alone with Dimitri wasn't even a worry on my radar anymore. It was the furthest thought in my mind that he might hurt me.

If anything I _only _felt comfortable with him.

I smiled and settled into my seat. "It's fine with me. Let's go."


	16. Chapter 16

"How have you lived in Montana your entire life and never been here?" Dimitri exclaimed as turned in circles trying to see and absorb everything around us.

He was more than amused by the awed look on my face as he spread out the lunch he'd just bought for us on one of the picnic tables.

True to his word, we were far away from town and in one of Montana's big cities. I never been to the city because it had always felt like everything I needed was in town, parties included.

I was seriously mistaken.

Even though we were in the middle of the city, Dimitri had driven us to a cetral park similar to the one I'd only seen in pictures of New York. There was endless lush grass and trees surrounded by the reflective shimmering buildins with a beautiful view of the lake with soft waves dancing on the surface.

It was beautiful.

I finally managed to close my jaw and sit down across from Dimitri.

"This is one of my favorite places," he explained. "I know people say that cities are stifling but being in a smalltown is suffocating sometimes too."

I knew exactly how he felt.

"It feels that way a lot lately," I mumbled taking a bite of my food.

I can't keep my eyes off of the scenery long enough to let everything that's going on back home ruin my mood. Suddenly home feels so faraway, everything so small or too far compared to the big city.

My eyes carch Dimitri's has he watches me taking in my surroundings.

"Things will get better," he says in response to my earlier comment.

I give an unladylike snort. "I doubt that."

"I'll make sure of it." It sounded like a promise but I just couldn't believe it.

"Don't feel obligated to help me because of your sister," I mumbled.

Dimitri look surprised, holding a forkful of his lunch in midair before responding. "I want to help the both of you. I know that recently people have ignored you or bullied you when you've tried to do the right thing but I'm here, Rose. I'm listening and I want to help."

His words sounded so sincere. Recent experiences just wouldn't let me believe him. "I think your sister's right. We should just leave this alone."

Dimitri set his fork down, resting his elbows on the table as he clasped his hands together against his face. "It's okay that you and Victoria are afraid. Your fears won't go away any easier though if you ignore them. I tried talking to her again last night but she locked me out. The difference between the two of you is that you were once willing to speak up against what Adrian's done. I'm having trouble resisting the urge to go to him and make him feel all the pain he's caused so I figure the best way to resolve all of our problems is to work together and make Adrian face what he's done. Make people see how terrible he really is."

I shook my head, pushing my food around on my plate. "People see what they want to see and the town does not want to believe that Adrian is a bad guy. He's the son of the mayor for heaven's sakes. No one is going to listen, no one is going to help."

"Why are finding it so hard to believe that I want to help you when I'm right here in front of you telling you I'm here?" He asked calmly.

If I were him, I'd be exasperated by now.

I did feel exasperated.

I slammed my fork down, shoving my food away.

"I'm finding it so hard to believe and trust you because men haven't exactly been good to me lately in case you haven't noticed!"

I stood up from the bench and stalked away as much as my suddenly aching ankle would let me. I hate myself for saying anything about what happened in the first place. I hate that I let it happen. I hate that there is finally someone willing to listen and help and I keeping pushing him away.

I hate that I know I'm not fine.

I'm broken.

I push my hair out of my face hoping the motion will also push the thoughts away. It's a beautiful day here in the city and I don't want it ruined. I don't want to worry about being broken. For now, I want to believe I am fine.

I'm fine.

Dimitri let's me sulk and wander for a minute. I stay within distance of where he can see me since I'm so unfamiliar with the city and don't want to get lost. I can feel him when glances up at me without turning around. The thought warms me a bit, knowing I have someone, a possible friend, trying to help me not because they feel obligated but because they want to.

I walk a little further closer to the lake looking at all the bruises and scrapes on my arm and touching my face for the ones I can't see. It's not Dimitri's fault I have these bruises, that I'm hurting so much. I'm thinking about this so much that I don't pay attention when I reach the edge of the small lake and my bad ankle twists and makes me stumble in a small ditch in the embankment.

For a second, I imagine myself stumbling into the lake's water face first but before my thoughts can get to far I'm pulled back toward the safety of the embankment and land against Dimitri with an _oomph._

My heart is beating too quickly for me to straighten up and lean out of Dimitri's embrace where he's steadying me. For that moment, the moment I wish could last forever and the feelings that go with it, I am safe, warm, and unafraid. My breathing is rapid, giving Dimitri a concerned look.

"Are you alright? That ankle of yours is a little weaker than I thought. Maybe we put too much pressure on it too soon. I think my mother should..."

"N-no, I'm fine," I breathe as he straightens and I pull out of his arms.

I'm afraid again of the feelings building in my stomach and the lass of warmth. I'm afraid and confused. I'm not okay.

"I'm good," I assure.

He glances at my ankle. "We really should have her take a look at that ankle."

I start to shake my head in protest, suddenly wanting to be very far away so that these feelings will disappear, but Dimitri interrupts. "Roza, please just met me help you. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

* * *

_**A/N: The reviews are amazing and I am genuinely surprised and amazed you guys like this story so much. little dhampire 13 made an amazing suggestion about the title that I love and didn't really think about when I wrote/posted this story. I'd love to just repost the story and change the title but I'm a little too far into it now but thank you, I loved your idea! Hope you guys still love the story. It's a little slow now but picks up starting in the next few chapters. Again, thanks for the reviews!**_


	17. Chapter 17

"Training on a sprained ankle is usual good for learning pain endurance but I'm afraid that your tumble today really only worsened your ankle. I'm going to have to recommend staying off that foot unless you really have to stand on it."

I wonder if Dr. Belikov would consider running as necessary reason. The thought of having to stay off my foot, sitting around with more time to think to myself deflates my earlier elated mood in the city. Despite telling Dimitri I was okay, he still brought me to the hospital so his mother could examine me.

He's leaning against the doorframe of the examination room as his mother pokes and prods my ankle before giving me a fresh wrapping. We hadn't really spoken on the way back from the city. I was too preoccupied thinking about his promise and whether or not to believe him. He was probably preoccupied with worried of his sister.

The doctor gives the bandage an extra pull, reminding me that I can't run for a while.

I let out an audible sigh.

As if reading my mind, Dimitri's mother says firmly, "Absolutely no running or exercise. The pain will only get worse. I can prescribe some medication for you until your ankle heals but you have to stay off of it."

I sigh again.

"At least you have a reason to avoid P.E.," she suggested trying to perk me up.

I actually didn't have P.E. anymore but her attempts to cheer me up were nice so I didn't correct her. "Speaking of P.E.," she said finishing the bandage. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

I froze, having completely forgotten that I'd ditched school. Even worse, Dimitri knew about it. Dr. Belikov turned to her son, as realization sank in.

"Dimka?" she said, asking for an explanation.

Dimitri, seeming to have forgotten I should've been in school too, froze, and we shared a worried expression as his mother looked between the two of us. His worry faded quickly though, replaced by reluctance.

"We need to talk. It's about Vika..."

Oh no. He was going to tell his mother now with me in the same room. What if she was mad at me for not speaking up sooner? What if one of the few people in this town who once believed me suddenly started to hate me because it was my fault what happened to Victoria? The thought sent my stomach into free fall. I wanted to bolt, to hop off the examination table and limp away but the ache in my ankle wasn't going to let me.

"What does Vika have to do with why Rose is with you when she should be in school?" his mother asked confused.

I noticed that her accent was noticeably thicker when she was emotional, just like her son.

Dimitri glanced at me once more, maybe suggesting that I should start but I just couldn't. I hung my head low letting my hair that had fallen out of my ponytail block my guilty face from view.

I heard him clear his throat and close the door to the examination room as he began.

"Maybe you should sit down."

I didn't here Dr. Belikov move until Dimitri again told her to sit. When I looked up, she was sitting as rigid and stiff in on a stool as I was on the examination room, expecting the worst. Dimitri was in another chair across from her. He ran his hands across his tired face, sighed, and then began.

When he finished telling her the same story I'd told him a few days ago, Olena sat as quietly as she did while her son was speaking. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was slightly agape. It took a few moments for her to recover and when she did she was shaking her head and letting out small nervous laughs.

"No, no, no. Vika wouldn't...she wouldn't keep something like that from me. That can't be right. Something like that wouldn't...didn't happen to her," she rambled glancing from me to her son. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than either of us.

I finally decided I had to be brave and speak up. I had let Dimitri do all of the talking before but now I had to say something.

My voice was trembling with nerves. "I...I can't prove or be sure that Adrian did something to her but I know that she was the most recently girl to date Adrian and since he...he...he did what he did to me and Lissa and can only think he probably did the same thing to-"

"No, no!"

I jumped at her raised voice. I couldn't blame her. Thinking that something terrible happened to your daughter and something could've been done to stop it was probably the worst feeling in the world. It was my fault.

Dimitri reached for his mother's hand but she pulled away.

"Mama, you see this all of the time, cases like this. You use to believe Rose was telling the truth when she reported Adrian," he tried to convince her btu she was shaking her head no.

"Both of you leave, get out of here," she said calmly, standing up.

She scribbled out a prescription for the pain in my foot and handed it to me without looking at me. When I didn't take it, Dimitri did before he led me out of the examination room. He was the only thing holding me up. It wasn't just my ankle making me unsteady. It was everything else. I felt like I was going to fall over at any minute from the weight of emotion flowing through me.

"She needs some time to process this," Dimitri told me when we made it back to his car. "It isn't easy to find out something bad happened to someone in our family and we knew nothing about it."

I nodded my head that I understood.

We sat outside in the hospital parking lot for a long time, both of us thinking.

I could've saved Victoria if only I'd said something sooner. I could've saved Lissa if I'd said something sooner. Dimitri's mother, one of the few who once believed me, wouldn't be feeling this way if I'd said something sooner. It was my fault.

_This is your fault._

I closed my eyes, leaning against the car window.

"She had to know, Roza. She can help us."

Roza. He'd called me that earlier too. It sounded nice, almost lyrical when he said it. I let the name bounce around in my head as I tried to distract myself from the guilt.

"We just have to give her some time."

I wonder how much. As if answer my thoughts, the door to the hospital slid open and Dimitri's mother walked out, carrying her purse on her arm and she was out of her doctor's coat. I could already see where this was going. She stood at Dimitri's window.

"Come on. We have to go home. I need to hear this from Vika."


	18. Chapter 18

I don't know what I expected.

It certainly wasn't this.

I'm sitting at the kitchen counter pushing my fork around in a plate of food that Dimitri's grandmother set in front of me, hoping to distract me from the shouting match between Victoria, Dimitri's mother who told me to call her Olena, and Dimitri upstairs.

"...doesn't know what she's talking about!" I hear Victoria shout. "She's liar! Nothing happened to me!"

"Why are you trying to protect this monster?" I hear Olena respond.

"Because he didn't do anything!" Even from down hear I can hear her unsteady voice breaking, as if she wants to believe the words more than anything.

I use to feel the same way. I didn't want to believe anything happened to me either.

"Vika, whether you tell us what he did or not, we're going to do something about it," Dimitri shouts. "He won't get away with what he did..."

"All of them, so stubborn," Yeva sighs with a slight proud smile. "Family trait. It's a gift and a curse. But mostly a curse."

I smile softly. "If Dimitri and Olena weren't so stubborn, I'd probably still be in as much denial abut all of this as Victoria," I mumble.

"She'll tell what happened eventually and then all of this will be resolved. Things will get better."

This woman sounded so certain that I wanted nothing more in the world than to believe her. Right now I felt like nothing would ever be resolved or feel safe or the same again. The safe shell I spent the majority of my life living in is completely broken. I feel exposed for all of the world to hurt me. Yeva's words are like a warm blanket though, warm rays of sunlight seeping in through the cracks in my shell and I appreciate them.

I can suddenly feel the family resemblance between her, Dimitri, and Olena and their certainty that things with get better. Eventually.

"Dimitri says that too. A lot."

Her proud smile from before widens. "He's hopeful. It's kind of another family trait, we like to make things better, we find something broken or not working properly and we feel like we have to fix it, to help."

"I'm not working properly?"

Yeva smiles at squeak in my voice. "You're trying to live you're life so that you feel safe, and that's not bad, but sometimes trying to protect yourself means running away instead of dealing with the problem."

I guess technically I am running to deal with the problem but I'm still here. I haven't ran away. But I want to. I want to hide and be far away and forget about all of this.

"Forgetting won't make anything better," she says as if reading my mind. "Fighting, makes things better."

"It's scary how much you sound like Dimitri right now," I smile gently.

She shrugs. "Eh, the vehemence is another family trait." She glances down at the plate of food still in front of me. "You should really eat. A happy stomach means a clear head and you're going to need a clear head to get through all of this."

I agree and dig into small portions of the food not realizing how hungry I still am, not having finished my lunch with Dimitri.

"I guess I just haven't been very hungry lately," I mumble over bites of the delicious food.

Yeva leans on the counter. "That's understandable. Your mother must make all sorts of meals hoping you'll eat."

"Not really. We barely see each other since she's always working."

"But she knows what's going on, right? About what happened..." Yeva's voice trails off, concerned.

I'm almost hesitant to give her my answer out of fear she'll be disappointed that my mother doesn't know. I keep my eyes on the plate of food in front of me when I shake my head and answer. "She knows about the police report obviously but not about...what happened recently."

When I glance up, Yeva's eyes aren't disappointed but sad. "She stood with you when you reported Adrian the first time. I'm sure she'll stand by you this time. You'll need her. You both will need each other."

"This has been hard on her. She already lost two jobs because of my report and...I just can't. It'd hurt her. She'd blame herself."

"Much like the same way you're blaming yourself," Yeva points out.

Realization sinks in as I realize she's right. "I guess self blame is one of our family traits."

Yeva makes a sound of agreement and pats my hands sympathetically as she murmurs, "A gift and a curse."


	19. Chapter 19

"This is going to be pretty bad isn't it. Especially without Victoria's help?"

Dimitri runs both of his hands over his face tiredly. He looks about as exhausted as I feel. I think the worst part about all of this is that it doesn't just affect the victims but everyone closest to us. If I wasn't dealing with so much of my own pain I wish I could take all of theirs away.

"We'll figure something out. My mother is still up there trying to get through to her."

We're sitting on his back porch and he's pushing the swing back and forth. My feet barely brush the floor.

We sit in silence letting the weight of everything settle. It all feels more real now that other people are involved. I wait a moment before bringing up a suggestion Yeva mentioned before she went to help Dimitri's niece and nephew who just came home from school.

"Yeva thought that maybe I could try and talk to Lissa, see if she'll speak up. I doubt it though."

"She's gone this long without saying anything," Dimitri agrees, a little less hope in his voice.

The thought saddens me.

"I went a while without saying anything but eventually, I told you what happened. Maybe if I talk to Lissa..."

I can't stand the thought of the only person between the two of us losing hope even if I have none.

"Maybe...it'd be better if my sister would come around though."

"It's just like you told me earlier. She just needs time."

He smiles at me handing back his own advice.

"It's great that you're considering trying to get Lissa to help with all of this but I think Lissa and my sister need to come around on their own and fight this battle when they're ready. You on the other hand, sound more than ready now," he says proudly. "What did my grandmother say to you?" he asks curious.

"She just gave me a few words of the Belikov wisdom," I smile gently.

He nods knowingly and we swing in silence for a while. This is one of those moments I wish I could freeze and live in forever. Staring out at a beautiful backyard with nothing but the sound of the wind rustling the trees and someone I feel comfortable being near beside me.

"School should be out by now. Is your mother expecting you at a specific time?"

I shake my head. "No. I'm sure she thinks I'm at my self defense class. I should probably get home though," I sigh regrettably standing. "I'm a little...worn after todays adventures," I say dryly.

He stands with me. "I don't blame you. I'm just about ready to crash."

"Don't you have a class to teach today?"

"I own the place, it's open when I want it to be. Besides, the other trainers have it covered. I'll take you home."

I leave the Belikov house feeling both better than when I walked in and guilty. Victoria is left to deal with whether or not to come clean to her mother and it's my fault. I feel a little bit of weight lifted off my shoulders though and enjoy the drive back to my house with the window down and the wind blowing my hair every which way. Halfway down my street Dimitri speaks for the first time since we've left his house, breaking the comfortable silence.

"You don't have a cell phone do you?"

The randomness of his question throws me off for a bit and it takes me a moment to answer.

"Umm...no. Why?"

He pulls his car in front of my house. I notice my mother's car in the drive way but focus on Dimitri as he leans to open his glove compartment and hands me a small silver flip phone.

"It's one of my old ones but it's still active. My mother and I thought it might be a good idea for you to have one...just in case."

He's still holding the phone out to me. I slowly reach out to take it and look at it gratefully and hesitantly.

"Dimitri, I can't..."

"Your pride should be the least of your worries," he interrupts giving me a lopsided smile that makes me smile in return.

"Do you do this for all of your students?" I ask jokingly.

"Only the ones that really need me...and so far you've been the first."

I turn the phone on and Dimitri took it to put his phone number in.

"I'm not just saying this to be nice. I really mean it when I tell you to call me anytime. I'm here, Rose," he said firmly.

I nod gratefully, too overwhelmed to speak.

"My mother's number is in there too but she isn't a morning person so I wouldn't call her in the mornings but other than that," he smiled.

I let out a small laugh and he seemed surprised by the sound and his smile grew.

I climb out of the car and walked into my house, turning to wave as he drove away.

My mother was standing in the living room peeking out one of the windows. She looked as if she'd just gotten in.

"Who was that?"

I hesitated, feeling like I'd been caught doing something wrong before recovering. "That was Dimitri, the self defense instructor you signed me up for."

"Your class ended kind of early," she noted skeptically.

"I...I didn't go to the class. I went to..." I struggled for an excuse to explain where I was. "I went into town for a bit after school. My ankle was bothering me. His mother wrapped my foot again and called Dimitri to take me home."

It's not a completely lie.

She nods as if she believes me. "That was nice of them. I don't think you should be out alone though, Rose. Not with everything going on."

If my mother really knew what happened, she'd probably keep me on lock down.

"I know."

She glances at the cell phone in my hand. "Where did you..."

"A gift. It's just for emergencies," I assure her.

"I saw the new shoes in your room. Are those-"

"They were just a gift to help with running and my ankle," I rush to answer.

She pulls at one of her unruly curls and lets out a slow breath. I can tell today is one of the days where it's been too long and too hard and she just wants to sleep.

"I just...I just want you to be safe, Rose. Okay?"

She says this as if to explain why I'm suddenly being interrogated but I know she means it. She extends her arms out to me and gives me one of her quick but reassuring hugs. She smells like cleaning products and like she's been in the city all day.

"I am. I promise. I'm okay. I promise," I repeat.


	20. Chapter 20

The rest of the night my mom and I hardly speak.

She reminds me that she's working late again and then it's mostly silence.

Despite my talk with both Yeva and Dimitri, I still couldn't bring myself to tell her. How does a daughter tell her mother that something so terrible happened? It's not something I think I should bring up over the microwave dinner she makes for us.

We sit in silence and while I'm thinking over when it is the right time to tell her, she takes a moment to glance at me every few seconds between bites as if to see if everything is wrong. I get the feeling it's that extra mom sense where they can just tell when something is wrong. She's been looking at me a lot like this lately. My mother isn't stupid.

She's knows something is off about me.

But she also won't pry. She'll wait until I tell her because she figures there's a reason I haven't told her yet, a good reason.

I'm afraid.

I think about how Olena reacted, how terrible she must've felt that she felt she didn't protect her daughter. The last thing I want to do is add those feelings to everything else my mother is trying to deal with. By the time dinner is over and I am heading to my room after washing dishes, I convince myself that tonight isn't the right time to tell my mother...if ever.

I lay on my bed in the darkness hoping that the night last forever so that I don't have to go to school tomorrow. My mother would more than understand if I didn't feel up for school but I'd have to go back to school eventually. There's only one high school in this town. And unfortunately for me there're monsters that go to my high school.

Dimitri told me I seemed more than ready to fight this fight against Adrian.

I didn't feel ready.

When I think about going up against Adrian, my word against his...again, I think about what happened to me. It plays like a horror movie on loop until I think about something else. Sometime between the horror movie in my head and listening to my mother watch TV downstairs as she gets ready to leave for her nightshift, I fall asleep a few times only to wake up from the nightmares of walking through the high school halls with my fellow classmates throwing trash at me, calling me names even a trucker wouldn't use as the crowd pushes me further down the hall until I end up suddenly outside in the dark facing Adrian, Jesse, and Ralph.

When I look behind me the high school hallway is gone and it's just the four of us.

Just like that night.

I jolt awake and sit up in my bed. I think about going out to sit with my mom as she watches TV but I don't hear anything downstairs anymore which means she's left. The thought suddenly seems too scary to get out of bed, my room seems too dark except for the dim light glowing from the cellphone Dimitri gave me earlier. I manage to find a charger from an old phone my mom use to have and the phone lit up on side of room, calming me down a bit.

Another thing that calms me down is the thought of not being alone in this room, even if it is by text.

I worry it might be too soon for me to text Dimitri but the darkness in my room wins and I grab the phone and start texting.

I don't know what to say at first and I've never had a cell phone before so it takes me a while to work the buttons. When I finally think of something to come up with, I send a smiley face.

It seems silly to send a smiley face when I'm feeling so sad, lonely, and afraid but I don't know what else to say.

I close my eyes for a few minutes, worried he wont reply, that he's not really there and that I'm alone, before the phone lights up with a reply.

**Everything alright?**

I am so stunned that he replied that it takes me a moment to reply myself.

_**I've been better.**_

I let out a slow breath as I hit send. It feels like a bit of relief telling the truth.

After a second, I send another text.

_**How's Victoria?**_

His reply is a little slow.

**Angry. She locked herself up in her room and turned up her music so she wouldn't have to listen to my mother yell at her from outside her door.**

Guilt.

**_I'm sorry._**

His reply is instant this time.

**None of this is your fault.**

That phrase is starting to sound automatic to my ears, like a recording I should have memorized. I just can't believe it though. He sends another message after e few minutes when I don't reply.

**Since it's pretty late and you should be sleeping, I'm guessing you had a nightmare.**

I feel a small smile as I settle back onto my pillow.

**_You guessed correctly. _**

**Want to talk about it?**

_**No.** _

For some reason, I don't want everything I talk to Dimitri about to revolve around Adrian or what happened. I like when hwe have different conversation even if they were short and mostly one sided, Dimitri doing most of the talking.

Instead of a text, the phone buzzes that someone is calling me. I answer it, surprised.

"Hello?"

"Are you near a window?"

His question and the sudden sound of his voice catches me off guard. I'm glad we're talking about something new though. I sit up and look around my small bedroom, half expecting to see him standing outside my window. The thought excites and scares me.

"Yes...?"

I can practically hear him smiling at my skeptical response.

"Your window faces out onto the street towards the city right?"

"Right...?" I agree my voice still skeptical.

"Yeva use to convince me that full moons make night mares go away. Look out your window."

I hesitate, fearful of standing alone in my room in the dark but there's only so long I can leave Dimitri hanging on the phone. I slowly pull my blankets back and make my way toward my window. When I pull back the curtain I gasp at how bright the moon is, how I feel like I've never noticed it before, and how nice the silhouettes of the city buildings look from here.

There's a long silence while I take in the view.

"Did...did what Yeva told you work? Did you have less nightmares?"

He gives a little laugh that makes me smile before he even responds. "No. It just replaced the nightmares I was having about monsters in my closet with nightmares about werewolves."

I can't help but smile wider. I stand at my window for a long time looking at the view. It's comforting to have that kind of natural light but it also feels good having someone with me...even if he isn't physically here.

"Werewolves are better than the nightmares I was having," I say after a long time.

"That's kind of one of the cons of facing your biggest fear, the nightmares. After I was shot and I decided not to go to therapy and just ignore what happened, I was fine for a while. Eventually, the nightmares catch up with you though, the same time your fears do."

I shuddered at the thought of reliving the pain of not only being shot but of your best friend's death over and over again in your head.

At least my nightmares were only about my pain.

I couldn't imagine living with someone else's.

"Does it take long...after I deal with all of this...will I be the same I was, normal?"

He lets out a regrettable sounding sigh. "I wish. You won't be the same. You'll feel better but nothing will feel quite as safe as it did before."

"It feels that way now," I mumble.

"I know. Ironically enough, a good night's sleep is the best way to start any fight. After so many nightmares, you'll eventually feel too exhausted to even dream and you'll have one of the best sleeps of your life. Just focus on something happy."

"What do you focus on?" I ask, finally pulling myself away from the window and making my way back to my bed.

It seems a little more inviting that the last time I laid here.

I wonder if my question is too personal but he answers anyway. "My family, some of the good times we've had."

the answer is sweet and warms me a bit. I smile. Maybe I can think about my mom and the good times we've had. We've always gotten along. We've never really argued or fought but thinking back, there aren't any special days I can remember where it's just the two of us having fun. I consider focusing on a happy memory with the people I thought were my friends but that just reminds me of how alone I am now.

I decide I don't have a happy memory good enough to send to sleep before I remember today...the time in the city, the sunlight, smiling and feeling better than I had in days and...Dimitri.

I push that last thought away. A crush is the last thing I should be feeling right now.

He just makes me feel safe. That's it, I decide.

I focus on the city during the day and how I wish that moment could last forever.

"Did you think of a good memory?"

"Yeah, I did," I mumble.

I turn on my side and snuggle into my bed. The room is dark again now that the curtain is closed. I take in an unsteady breath and slowly release it, telling myself not to think of the darkness but the light.

"Once all of this is over, you'll have plenty of more good memories. I'm sure of it."

He kind of yawns the last part and I can hear he's growing tired.

"Thank you, Dimitri."

"Anytime, Roza."

I click the phone off and lay it beside me on my pillow and drift off to sleep, thinking of nothing but my happiest memory.

* * *

_**A/N: Hey guys! I know the story is little slower than my other stories but next chapter is where things start to pick up. Glad you guys like the story though! Thank you for the reviews.**_


	21. Chapter 21

The past few days have like the longest days of my life.

I've been through a lot in my life, especially as a former cop and family that has always struggled financially but this is one of those events in life that's really starting to wear me down.

I think what hurts most is that something bad has happened to my sister and I didn't protect her. As her big brother and a cop, I failed her.

I scroll through last night's text with Rose wondering and hoping she was able to get more sleep than I did despite her nightmares.

It's frustrating knowing that if my sister just speaks up, a lot of the stress and worry can be lifted from Rose's shoulders.

I feel helpless. I can't help anyone.

"You have your own apartment you know," Victoria says walking into the kitchen.

I set down the coffee I just poured surprised to see her out of her room, dressed for school, and casually making herself a bowl of cereal.

"If you're staying here for my benefit, you're wasting your time. I'm fine." She sits across from me at the table happily munching on her cereal, a slight smile on her face.

"Really?"

Her phone chimes and she quickly flicks her eyes to the screen.

"Yup," she says as the smile spreads wider.

For what feels like the first time in my life since my sister was born, I don't know what to say. I was already planning more tactics to convince her to come forward or at the very least admit the bastard hurt her. But seeing her sitting her in front of me as if the past few days haven't happened is throwing me off a bit.

My sister sees that I'm stumped and her smile widens even more if that's possible.

"I told you and mom that I was fine. It was just one of those teenage girl things. I need some time to myself and now I'm going back to school."

She says all of this with the smile on her face and it sends an uncomfortable feeling into my stomach, as if an indicator that something definitely isn't right about this except all of the obvious signs. I'm replaying the shouting match the three of us shared the night before as I watch Victoria hum to herself as she checks her phone smiling and standing to walk to the kitchen.

If she's playing at something, I can do the same thing too.

Her phone chimes again and again and her eyes are locked onto the screen unblinkingly and smiling.

"For heaven sake Victoria," I mutter gesturing to the phone.

She takes one more look at the phone and slides it away, her lips still stretched into a smile. "Sorry, something..._interesting _is going around school."

"Really?" I ask dryly, more interested in what's going on with my sister than gossip around school.

"You'll hear about it later I'm sure."

I look up from my coffee mug to ask what she means by that but she's already standing and heading to the sink and I hurry to ask more questions before she leaves.

"So you're going to school and we're just going to forget the last few days."

"Yup." She smiles at a text on her phone again.

"And you're really okay?" I ask.

I just have to hear her say it again. I know in my gut something is off about all of this but I have to hear my sister say the lie to be sure.

She rinses her bowl out, grabs her bag, and stops to look back me with the same slight smile on her face as if she has a hidden secret that she is barely managing to hide.

"Definitely."

With that, she continues on her way out, staring down at her phone, but not before I hear her mutter with a smile in her voice, "at least I will be."

* * *

_**A/N: So sorry guys! I went through a month of finals and cleaning and organizing (and losing use of one of my typing hands for a while) and then a severe case of writer's block but now I feel nice and organized and ready to update again so thank you for the reviews. You guys are just amazing and I hope you guys still like the story.**_

_**By the way, I hope it's not confusing when I change points of view.**_

_**New chapter posted soon!**_


	22. Chapter 22

My happiest memory is the farthest thought from my mind right.

The second I walked into school I knew it was going to be one of the bad days.

Everyone was staring at me.

I'd grown use to being ignored by my fellow classmates and the few times they did notice me it was to retell the story of the pathetic girl who is spreading lies about the school's charmer Adrian Ivashkov.

This morning though everyone was looking at me.

Some were smiling, some were making faces of disgust, some shook their heads at me in shame. I had no idea what was going on. I glanced down at the sweater, jeans, and the shoes Dimitri bought me to see if I looked weird or something. My hair was just in a ponytail.

Nothing was weird about the way I looked.

I couldn't figure it out until I noticed three things: everyone had their cell phones out looking at their phones the way people do when a mass text is sent out. , Adrian and his posse of friends including Camille were at the end of the hall smiling and laughing like crazy except for Liss, and Victoria was with them...smiling.

I've heard the expression 'makes your blood run cold' but I never knew what it meant until I felt it. The sight of Victoria and Lissa, my fellow victims, standing with them and against me was more than disheartening.

The bell rang signaling the beginning of first period. Everyone in the hall reluctantly tore their eyes from me and went to class. Except for Adrian, Jesse, Ralph, Camille, Lissa, and Victoria.

I suddey wondered where were teachers when you needed them most. The group walked toward me and I instinctively stepped back except Jesse hurried forward and wrapped a tight arm around my shoulders to ensure I won't run.

"You seem to like attention Rosie," Camille says scrolling through her phone before holding it out so I can see.

On the screen is a picture of me...topless. I recognize my shirt that's pushed up as the shirt I'd been wearing that night. This must have been the picture Jesse and Ralph took. My face isn't shown clearly so that no one can really see how scared and bhurt I am. In fact the picture is taken in such a way that it looks provocative...like a sext message.

I can't even speak. I hold my hand over my mouth trembling ready to let the tears fall.

"You wanted the attention so we thought we'd help you," Ralph says.

"Think I found my new screen saver," Jesse chuckles.

I cast a glance at Liss who won't blook me in the eye and Victoria wore a forced smile, her eyes the same color as her brother's but so much more cold like that of Camille's.

"Victoria tells us you're trying to start trouble again," Adrian says calmly, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it.

"Consider this your second warning," Camille starts. "We tried to warn you that if you can't keep your fat mouth shut things are only going to get worse. How would your mother feel if she saw this or imagine the principal?"

"I'm almost hoping she causes trouble again. We have so much together when she does," Jesse laughs pressing a wet kiss to my neck.

I jerk away and end up falling back.

They just laugh and walk around me heading to class.

Except Adrian who kneels down in front of me, blowing smoke into my face.

"All you have to do is be like Lissa and Victoria and learn to keep quiet and then things won't seem as bad," he says in his calm voice.

I remember how his calm, calvolier attitude is what attracted me to him in the first place. Now it was just unnerving.

"Keep quiet and we won't have a problem," he smiles slightly.

As scared and embarrassed as I am, I am suddenly determined, determined to make this all end. Dimitri's encouraging words of staying strong and fighting this runming through my head.

"Then I guess we have a problem," I manage to get out.

For a split second, I have the satisfaction mof catching him by surprise and his expression faulters. He recovers quickly though and stands. He can't say any more though because one of the deans is patrolling the halls for tardy students. He leaves.

Before the dean can reach me still sprawled on the floor, I make the quick decision to leave. I stand up and the dean is in front of me, a disapproving look on his face.

"What are you doing?"

I'm not being afraid anymore. I'm not going to let them ruin my life and make me unhappy anymore.

"I'm fighting back."

He looks confused as I turn away and run for the exit.

* * *

_**Three things:**_

_**1) Thank you all so much for the reviews and private messages and simply reading my story (**_

_**2) I looked at the stories you guys wanted me to focus on updating first and I am working on them but the first one I rewrote was Runaway to Magic and I am thinking of reposting that story first**_

_**3) I am working on I Promise and Welcome to Baia but I also started rewriting them a bit so that they turn out the way I initially planned (more Dimitri and Rose fluff for sure).**_

_**Lemme know what you guys think!**_


	23. Chapter 23

I don't know when running has started to feel so natural to me but the second I'm out of the school doors and my feet or hitting the pavement as my book bag swings at my side, it feels natural to be running...safe.

Fighting back means _not _running away.

I know that.

I have to get off campus first and really figure out what I'm going to do. I can't feel this way anymore, I can't feel defeated and like Adrian and his crew of nightmares is going to ruin everyday of my life. I can't let my life feel any worse or let any of this hurt my mother. I know I should tell her everything. I will. I have to fight back.

I'm _going_ to fight back.

I just don't know how yet.

But I do know I need Dimitri to do it.

I've only know him for a little while but I know he's one of the few people that will help me no matter what.

As if sensing I need him, the cell phone in my pocket vibrates and chimes.

I stop running at a red stop light and look at the screen knowing it can only be Dimitri.

**Are you okay?**

His question throws me for me a bit as if he was there at school and saw me take off or knew something was wrong. I look around to see if he's watching me from a distance but it's just me at a four way stop light waiting to cross the street. I reply.

**_I need to see you. I need your help_**

His response is immediate. I can almost feel his urgency through the phone.

**Why? What's wrong? Did Victoria do something?  
**Another question that makes me wonder if Dimitri knows what happened today at school.

I want to ask him what he means but I decide it'd be easier to just see him in person. I feel and think better when I see him in person.

_**Can I come see you?**_

A second later I add, _**I'm already halfway to the** **city**_, in case he says now for any reason.

Dimitri's the one person who's helped me and actually made me feel better through all of this. I know he won't turn me a way. I know his answer a second before he sends it.

**Tell me what street you're on and I'll pick you up**

What feels like a second after I send him the street I'm on, I'm climbing into his car, letting out a breath of relief feeling safe and away from the nightmare of school.

"What's going on? What happened?" he asks immediately.

I lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes, letting the entirety of what happened finally hit me. I'd been holding in because I knew once I started crying, It'd bee too hard to stop and then I wouldn't be able to run. I was safe now and I could cry freely.

I did.

It started silently at first, tears silently streaming down my cheeks and when I can't seem to completely wipe the tears away I'm sobbing and struggling to catch my breath as I cry.

And Dimitri lets me cry. We're parked on the street he picked me up on and he lets me cry. He doesn't try to reach out and touch and comfort me which is a relief actually.

Being touched by any one, even the thought of it is unnerving to me. The feel of Jesse's arm around my shoulder makes me recoil right now even thinking about it. The night before, when my mom brushed my arm to hand me a dish, I flinched. I know deep down none of these people would ever really hurt me, I can't stop being scared.

He simply let's me cry and then hands me tissue after tissue once I start to quiet down.

"Are you hurt?" he asks gently.

I can feel him looking me over form his side of the car, trying to see if it's anything physical that's bothering me. Besides the bruises from being shoved into the lockers, my suddenly aching ankle from running too hard, and scars and bruises that are slow in healing from _that _night, there's nothing physically wrong with me.

I shake my head as I wipe my face and sniffle.

Almost reluctantly he says with a sigh, "My sister had something to do with this...didn't she?"

I look up and meet his saddened eyes. All of this is really starting to ruin everyone's lives. None of this would've happened if I had come forward sooner.

"How do you know that?"

He sighs again, sadly, before deciding to pull away from the curb and drive toward the city. "Something she said this morning...I know my sister. She's been, admittedly my favorite sister-I know a brother isn't supposed to say that but it's true. Me and Victoria are close since we're the youngest and Sonya and Karolina are close because they're the oldest. Victoria's always been the sister I was closest too. So when she starts acting weird..."

His voice trails off and I still don't know how he knew Victoria had something to do with all of this. He focuses on driving and I take the opportunity to speak, grateful I don't have to look at his sad eyes while he drives.

"That night...when it happened...when Adrian, Jesse, and Ralph..." I can barely manage to get it out. "After it happened and I thought it was all over...I forgot they took...pictures."

The car jerks to a sudden stop as Dimitri brakes in the middle of the street and cars behind us honk as they go around. He pulls to the side of the rode again and puts the car in park.

"I...I was trying to forget that night and I forgot about the picture but today when I went to school..." I start crying silently again. "Everyone's seen it. Oh my gosh, Dimitri, that picture is going to get around town and when my mother sees it it's going to kill her. She'll think hit's her fault."

I cry as he sits in silence and lets all of this sink in.

"Victoria did this didn't she," he whispers, voice low.

I nod. "It's probably because I tried to bring her into this."

"I can't believe this," he murmurs. "I knew she was upset but I didn't think..."

"She's just hurting and confused," I tried to reason and defend what she did but I was finding it hard.

"You don't have to defend her," he says turning to face me, sadness in his eyes still. "She made her choice and despite everything she's been through she made the wrong one. To make her hurt go away she hurt someone else."

He tells me about the conversation they had this morning. I tell him about what happened completely and soon it's clear Victoria did this so that she wouldn't end up an outcast like me.

"She wants to be normal," I say as Dimitri finally pulls out to the road again. "Popular too. I wanted the same things when I started dating Adrian," I admit, reflecting back.

"This has gone way too far," he says as we near the city.

"I know...which is why I know I have to go to the police."

Dimitri is surprised by my words and the car jerks again to a stop but after taking a second to look over at me in surprise he continues driving again.

"Are you sure?"

I nod even though he's looking at the road.

"No more trying to avoid this and letting them hurt me. I hate feeling this way...like the world is closing in on me...I just want this to be over and you and your mother and grandmother were right when you said I have to fight back for this to be over and I'm going to. I'll even eventually talk to my mother about this because that picture is going to get back to her sooner or later. But...I need your help."

He glances from me to the road as if assessing that I'm serious about this and that I won't back out of it a second later. When I don't he nods.

"Of course. I told you I'd stand by you through this and I meant it."

That is a slight weight off my shoulders and it feels good. "Thank you."

He nods and lets out a breathy sigh that seems to sum up the gravity of this situation. "So, what do we do first?"

I let out a similar sigh and say, "The police...I have to go to the police and tell them everything."


End file.
